Episode 4

full
Published on:

30th Jan 2025

S1 E4 Airwolf: Bunny is the New Iguana

In this episode, the girls discuss shady sheriffs, people hunting and befriending lions.

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Transcript
Beth:

Welcome to Cool Girls Don't Look at Explosions, where we watch

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hyper masculine TV and make fun of it.

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but we don't watch all of it,

cause who's got time for that?

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We don't.

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We're too busy coming down from the

Star Trek invention, to be honest.

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Glo: Star Trek Las Vegas, baby!

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Baby!

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Mm

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Beth: baby!

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Frakes said he liked my shirt.

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It was cool.

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Laura: Oh, which shirt?

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Beth: My I read banned books shirt.

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Laura: Yeah, that is very cool.

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Beth: So today we watched

Airwolf season 2 episode 1.

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Called Sweet Birches.

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It's air date was September 22nd, 1984.

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It was directed by Alan J.

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Levy, who also directed Sleeper,

which is an episode of Buffy.

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Uh, it was

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Glo: don't

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Laura: but I hope that

that was a better episode.

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Beth: Maybe it was.

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It was.

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A significantly better episode.

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This was also written by Donald P.

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Bellisario.

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Who wrote a ton of Quantum

Leap, the OG Quantum Leap, with

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none other than Scotch Bakula.

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And, it was written by Chester

Krumholtz as well, who wrote

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an episode of Police Woman.

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I don't know anything about Police

Woman, but it gave me high hopes

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for maybe some secret feminism.

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Laura: Yeah, what an

interesting spin on Copaganda.

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Glo: Copaganda right.

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Bad boys, whatcha gonna do?

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Beth: Apparently a lot of

bad , well, let's kick it off.

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One, so we get the opening credits,

and in the opening credits, we

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see a lady has got herself a

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credit in the opening credits.

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As in, she's part of the Ruggler

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yes?

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Glo: Jean Bruce Scott,

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Laura: interesting.

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Yeah, this is new credits,

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Beth: mullet?

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Yeah.

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credits.

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And she is in the opening scene where

we open on a high speed motorcycle

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chase through a desert road.

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With a bunny eating an apple core

while the sheriff chases the guy

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Glo: Guys, the iguana got replaced

by the bunny eating the apple core.

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Beth: Bunny is the new iguana.

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Turns out the lady from the

opening credits is flying a

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police copter.

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This will undoubtedly make Stringfellow's

butthole of toxic masculinity, pucker.

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Glo: It's okay, cuz she's hot.

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Beth: hot.

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Yeah.

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She's got like a Joan Jett shag

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That I wish I could pull off but I can't.

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Hell

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Glo: she is very cool, but definitely

I don't know, little sister vibes.

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Not lead sexy lady vibes,

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Laura: Yeah, she is to be

protected, not to be fucked.

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Yeah.

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Sure.

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Beth: Is a

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Glo: unless you're thrown in

jail, but we'll get to that.

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Beth: Oh dear

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god.

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Glo: Oof.

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Beth: She's flying a police helicopter

and The sheriff is chasing the cyclist and

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she's all Yo sheriff, do you want help?

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And he's just ignoring

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Laura: Mm Yeah.

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Beth: And then the sheriff drives,

purposefully drives the cyclist

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into a ravine.

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She offers to help.

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Airlift him to the nearest hospital, and

he's all like, Why would I want to do

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that?

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She was like, cause it's your job?

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And then he's all no.

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And then he shoots at him

and tells her to fuck off

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Laura: He calls her a

flying meter maid, which

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I find extremely offensive because

we find out later that, she works

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for like the highway patrol.

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So

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Glo: Yeah.

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Beth: Which I think is like a hard job to

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Laura: right,

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Glo: frickin

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flying a helicopter, I feel

like, should be hard, a hard job.

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Come on now.

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Beth: Actually one of, The College

Friends was in town , and I was watching

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it while he was here, and he actually

has quite a bit of experience with

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helicopters, and he was watching the

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episode with me, and he was just

like, yo, this is some really good

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flying whoever they got to fly the

helicopters they're hovering super

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low, and that takes a lot of skill

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Glo: Okay.

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Beth: so he was pretty impressed,

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Glo: right.

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Endorsed.

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Endorsement.

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Laura: some stunt pilots did some

really good work on the show.

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Beth: Yeah, but it is at this moment.

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I would like to point out ACAP,

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Laura: Ha ha.

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Beth: especially the sheriff

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Glo: Well, the sheriff is male toxic.

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everything all personified.

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Like he doesn't have a personality

other than I hate people.

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I am terrible.

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And I'm going to make fun of this woman.

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Beth: Yes, but also deputy dumbass ACAP.

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Laura: Yeah, and I, correct me if I'm

wrong, because it has been a while

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since we watched this episode, right?

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We all watched it intending to

record together at STLV, and

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then we had too many shenanigans.

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I'm pretty sure the sheriff

never took his sunglasses off.

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Glo: I'm pretty sure you're

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Laura: he was sunglasses

the whole time, yeah.

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We needed that visual signal

of this guy is a baddie.

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He wears his sunglasses

at night and inside.

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Beth: Because he uses

echolocation to find his way.

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Glo: So the sheriff is a

bat is what we're saying.

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Laura: Are cooler

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than the

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sheriff.

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Glo: a good point.

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Beth: Yeah, no,

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we love bats.

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Laura: This is a pro

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Beth: ACAB does not include bats.

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Anyway yeah she backs off because

she has no other option and leaves

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the cyclist with the sheriff.

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And the cyclist looks terrified, like

innocent and terrified to be honest.

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A Clab does not include bunnies.

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Bunnies are cool.

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Laura: hmm.

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Beth: Cut to Stringfellow snoozing.

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While , what's his name?

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Glo: Dom,

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yeah.

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Beth: Dom, there we go.

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I keep putting him as

Mermaid Man in my notes.

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Laura: How could you not?

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, Beth: but Dom does all the work on

the helicopter and the phone rings.

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And Dom's all hey, maybe

you could get that phone.

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And Stringfellow's like, I'm

gonna be a whiny bitch about it.

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Glo: I have it in my notes

that they're on an airplane.

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Beth: they're The airplane is

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on the ground,

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but it's like one of those two person

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helicopter deals

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sort of things.

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That the flying ace in and

the Red Baron in the Peanuts

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fly in?

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exactly one

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Laura: right?

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Beth: Yeah.

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Yeah, exactly.

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Anyway I think that's supposed

to be funny, but boomer humor.

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Boomer humor.

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Laura: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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It's just pick up the phone.

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And we find out this is a collect

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call.

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So I feel like you really

need to pick those up, right?

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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I think you have to pay

the charges or whatever.

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This is all like, before cell phone stuff,

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guys, if you don't

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Glo: If we have any young listeners

out there, that's when you would

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call, and then the, you would accept

that you are paying for that call.

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But, You don't have a plan.

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It's all very interesting.

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Beth: I remember they

took our phones at camp,

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at sleepaway camp, and I lost my

retainer, and the only way I could

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call was via payphone, and that

is the only time I've ever used a

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payphone

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Laura: Wow, yeah.

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Beth: my dad I lost my retainer, and

he was like get in that dumpster and

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find it!

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Laura: Yeah, that's hard.

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Beth: But, it's the cyclist's

buddy, and the cyclist is

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named Jimmy Blake, we find out.

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And he was Stringfellow's war buddy.

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He says he pulled him out of

Indian territory in Vietnam.

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Laura: Yeah, so I think this,

Aaron explained this to me.

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That was like a way of saying enemy

territory was Indian territory.

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Which is

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Problems.

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Beth: Yeah.

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Wow.

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Haha.

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So he, so dude on the phone tells

Stringfellow that Jimmy got arrested

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in Texas cause we haven't had a

Western episode, so let's get it,

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cause there were three things in

the 80s, Western, Spies, and Nazis,

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Glo: Should we have a count?

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Like, is this a Western drama?

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Is this a spy drama or a Nazi drama today?

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Laura: Yeah, because we've had Nazi

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drama, and now we're having a

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Beth: Lions,

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but we'll get

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Glo: And the first one, the

first two episodes that was

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one episode was about spies.

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So there we go.

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Beth: What's about spies?

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Yeah.

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But yeah Stringfellow, so dude tells

Stringfellow that Jimmy got arrested in

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Texas and the sheriff's a dickhead and

he's hitching a ride to Mexico with a

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hot, sorry, the sheriff isn't hitching

a ride to Mexico, the dude who's calling

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from the payphone is hitching a ride to

Mexico with a hot blonde and a Mercedes,

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Laura: hmm.

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Beth: To meet Jimmy, who escaped custody

as far as dude on the phone knows.

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And it turns out the blonde is a

cougar, and I think that's supposed

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to be funny, but honestly it's fucking

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consensual.

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Everybody's a grown ass

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adult, like, and I assume

it's to meet Jimmy who escaped

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custody as far as the dude knows.

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And yeah, so Stringfellow is

all like, we're going to Texas.

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And Mermaid Man is the fuck

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Glo: Oh, he is not

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Laura: yeah.

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Beth: Stringfellow's like,

this dude helped me out in Nam.

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And Dom is all like, Texas ain't Vietnam.

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Which is correct, because as far

as I know, Vietnam is not a

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fascist dictatorship like

apparently this town in Texas is.

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Laura: Also, Vietnam's a lot smaller.

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Beth: And weather?

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I think of

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Laura: Oh,

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Beth: like Dry ish?

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Laura: Yeah.

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Beth: Can someone from Texas fill us in?

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Vic, what's Texas like?

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Help!

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Laura: I'm pretty sure Victor has been

openly posting about his nocturnal

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lifestyle right now due to the heat,

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so.

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Beth: cuz it's super spicy

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Glo: I do know that based off of my

roommate from when I studied abroad,

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who is Vietnamese American, that a

lot of Vietnamese did move to Texas

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after the Vietnam War for asylum.

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And I know, Laura, you said

Oklahoma as well, right?

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Laura: Yeah.

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Texas and Oklahoma have very large

Vietnamese communities from that.

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Yeah.

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I think Vietnam does get warm,

but I think it's much wetter.

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Interesting.

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Glo: find out that Airwolf has

not been started for two months.

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So we've had a two month, yeah,

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Beth: Yep,

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Glo: two month hiatus?

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Beth: and that Dom thinks that

Airwolf has feelings and he calls her

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baby

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Glo: I, later on I put a question mark

Is airwolf established as sentient?

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Like, does it understand?

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Beth: I think if Airwolf does understand,

she is in this relationship with Dom

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against her will.

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Yeah, and then there's a fun flying

montage that takes way the fuck too long,

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because apparently we still haven't hired

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any editors this season.

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Good for y'all.

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Laura: did notice in this sequence,

though, that I really liked the music it

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was very of the time, that like Vangelis

or Wendy Carlos electronic well done.

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I mean, I've been watching a show that

has some really bad music lately, guys,

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Beth: Is it.

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Crusade?

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Is it for The Who Are You?

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A Babylon

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5 Podcast Crusade?

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Laura: Notedly bad music in Crusade.

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And this is so much better.

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I really liked it and appreciated it.

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So I'm gonna give somebody

some props on this show.

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Beth: Word.

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Cut to apparently a big game hunting

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business in

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Glo: cat range.

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Laura: I called this guy

some crazy, he was doing some

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Beth: He is!

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And he's charging 50, 000 in

80s money to hunt Sam the Lion.

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And I did some Googling and

figured out how much that

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is in today's money.

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It is 151, 366.

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70.

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And he can pay that to bring down Sam

the Lion, who has been kidnapped, and

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held in captivity now for ten years.

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Will not go into my rants about how

big game hunting is barbaric and

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obscene and should not be allowed,

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Glo: What was the name of the lion

that we saw at the Zach Bagans Museum?

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Do you remember?

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I forget.

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So this is from Star Trek Las Vegas Beth

and I went on a side quest to the Zach

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Bagans Haunted Museum, and they had,

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Beth: Zac Bacon

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Glo: they had a stuffed

lion that had killed its

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Beth: Stuffed lamb.

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Yeah.

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Laura: Oh my.

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Beth: the

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Glo: Yeah, and I'm just

like, why is this spooky?

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It's not very spooky, it's

just like, yeah guy, good job.

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Get him.

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Laura: Just like

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sad, Yeah.

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Beth: I would like to high five that lion.

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What a weird adventure that was.

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Will never forgive Zach Bagans

for doing that with his hair

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and somehow making me scream.

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Nobody who does that with their

hair should be able to make me

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And anyways, the hunter turns

to the dude and says, I'd

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sell my soul for a good hunt.

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And then, it Flashes back to

Erewolf, And Dom and Stringfellow

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are talking about some giant

Electrovide fence that's massive.

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Laura: these two things be related?

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Glo: dun, dun

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Beth: Right?

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Cause otherwise, that's

even bad writing for this

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Laura: Yeah.

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Beth: So they have nowhere to land

so they're gonna have to land airwolf

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at the African Hunt Club Ranch.

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Gross.

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And of course, the

asshole sheriff is a part

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of the club.

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Laura: Oh yeah.

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Yeah, there's not enough people

here to exclude people from that

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club.

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Yeah,

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Beth: and like four of them suck,

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Glo: And not only is he a misogynist,

he's also a big game ranch animal abuser.

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Beth: You know, cowards are big

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hit game hunters.

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They're, misogynists are

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also cowards, so

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Laura: the Venn diagram.

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Yeah, there's

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Beth: It's basically a

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Glo: Yeah.

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Well, you know, the two circles look like

his sunglasses that he never takes off.

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Beth: Told you,

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it's because he doesn't

have eyes, just black holes.

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Anyway The Flying Copter Lady finally

gets a name, Caitlin O'Shaughnessy

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. And she's come here to yell at Akeb,

and he dismisses her while sexually

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harassing her.

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I wrote the quote down, you stick

your butt in where it doesn't

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belong, it's gonna get kicked.

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No matter how cute it is.

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Blech.

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It is at this point I have begun to

actively root for Sam the Lion to eat the

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Sheriff.

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Anyway, she says she's gonna

do things the hard way, which I

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would assume means get somebody.

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Higher up involved and then she storms

out, and the sheriff sends dudes after

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her and she's in her car and does in fact

confirm that she's planning on going to

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a judge for a court order and she gets

run off the road by these guys, and this

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is where the trigger warning comes in.

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Glo: Yeah.

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She's

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Beth: gang raped by four men who

are all about twice her size.

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Laura: And they call her Sweet Britches,

which is the title of this episode.

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Beth: Which is much less fun

than Stringfellow calling

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Dom sweet britches or some

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Laura: Yeah.

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Everything we came up with in

the last episode is way better.

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Beth: Yes!

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Glo: tied.

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They really love hog tying

women in this show too.

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Beth: They d Ah!

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Help!

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Ma'am!

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That Somebody needs to be in jail.

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That was involved in this show.

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Possibly

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several somebodies.

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Glo: just like before, who comes to

the Lady Who's Tog Tied's rescue?

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Beth: Sentient Helicopter Airwolf.

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Glo: Jet Wolf!

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Beth: Whoosh!

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Laura: It's the anti rape helicopter.

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Beth: Hee!

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She is!

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Hee!

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Laura: Make it air

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Beth: a pitch.

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There we go.

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Patreon bonus content.

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We present to NASA

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Laura: Air wolf.

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Beth: a plan to make Airwolf real.

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Laura: we have to remember

to like blow something up.

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Definitely.

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Glo: And give him bagels that

do not have enough cream cheese.

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Laura: No

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cream cheese.

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None.

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Beth: Like just a swatch

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of cream cheese, like a square of

cream cheese on one edge of one

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side

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Glo: guys didn't think you'd have

a cream cheese callback, did ya?

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That's

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Laura: Look, we remember

that pilot really well.

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Beth: are women from the Midwest.

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We take our cream cheese

very fucking seriously

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Glo: premium content you'll get on our

Patreon if we ever shut set one up.

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Cream cheese.

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Beth: Just gonna eat

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Cream cheese taste test.

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Patreon bonus content

you can unlock for 5.

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Laura: So the other thing about

this scene that really gets me is

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is demanding from the airwolf that

they let this woman go, right?

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And these chucklefucks actually

seem to think about it and

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think about not doing that.

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And then they try to shoot

the airwolf, but I'm like, is

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everyone in the world an idiot?

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Beth: Everyone in this particular

town, , seems to be an idiot.

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Yes.

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Laura: Yeah,

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Beth: of lead in this

particular town, quite high.

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Laura: this is lead times, isn't it?

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Like, gas is still leaded and stuff.

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Beth: This was the lead of times,

this was the lead of times.

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As Charles Dickens

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totally said,

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Laura: Yeah, everyone who is faced

with Stringfellow Hawk making a

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demand from the Airwolf should be

just shitting their pants, right?

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Beth: an helicopter with a gun the size

of your entire body, and then some, is

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all Let her go, or I'm gonna shoot ya.

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You fuckin you know, let her go.

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He says, I want cream

cheese for this bagel.

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You get him like five tubs of cream

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cheese.

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Laura: You ask, would you like whipped?

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Oh

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Beth: but yeah.

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Okay.

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And then the chuckle fox as

Laura, so aptly put them go

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back to the sheriff and go.

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It was a UFO.

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So again, high concentration

of lead in this town.

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Laura: One, one last

thing about that scene.

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Beth: Oh, I'm so sorry.

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:

Laura: No, this is important

because it is hysterical.

451

:

So I don't know if you caught

it, but when the airwolf destroys

452

:

their truck in response to their

stupidity, you can see the cord that

453

:

is pulling the truck to roll it.

454

:

Glo: No!

455

:

Laura: Like, we

456

:

Beth: Oh, quality programming.

457

:

Laura: Rewound it might be one of those

artifacts of we have really great TVs

458

:

now, so we see this shit.

459

:

But,

460

:

Glo: Whoa.

461

:

Laura: it, you should

definitely go back and watch

462

:

Beth: I think I'm gonna go back.

463

:

Maybe we should recreate

that with a truck.

464

:

Glo: But that means I gotta go

back and watch this episode again.

465

:

Laura: I didn't write down a timestamp

I should have, so you could just go

466

:

straight there and just be like, ha ha ha.

467

:

Beth: We could recreate it from our

468

:

memories, and then

469

:

do it ourselves, and watch it.

470

:

I just want to roll a

truck with a string, okay?

471

:

Laura: hmm.

472

:

Sounds fun.

473

:

Beth: Chaos Gremlin unlocked!

474

:

Okay after that, all the chuckle

fucks go back to the big game hunting

475

:

place, Where the sheriff still is.

476

:

And go, it was a UFO.

477

:

It looked nothing like a UFO.

478

:

I don't know how we got there, but sure.

479

:

Laura: Yeah.

480

:

The big game hunter, Mr.

481

:

Tiger King heckles them and I really

liked this and I was like, whenever

482

:

I'm feeling folksy and want to

insult someone, I should do this.

483

:

But he says that they have the brains

of a dead armadillo between them.

484

:

Beth: yes, yes, yes.

485

:

That was like my favorite line.

486

:

I screamed at it.

487

:

Like everyone who was at my house.

488

:

And then, after they leave,

we find out that dude, Mr.

489

:

Joe Exotic, his name is Mr.

490

:

Houston.

491

:

Laura: course, because he's from Texas.

492

:

There's no other, yeah.

493

:

Beth: He's besties with the sheriff,

and they're sitting there, and

494

:

they're talking, and then he's like,

Hey, do you sell that escaped biker?

495

:

Because I got somebody who wants to hunt

496

:

Glo: Dude, and I put down, in

all caps, MOST DANGEROUS GAME,

497

:

question mark, question mark?

498

:

Beth: Ha ha ha!

499

:

And then at that point, I started

calling the hunter guy at the beginning

500

:

of it, Ted Nugent, because if anyone

hunts humans for sport, it's Ted Nugent.

501

:

I'm sure of it.

502

:

And then he says that that he's

looking to get into the people hunting

503

:

business because he can charge a

hundred thousand dollars a pop,

504

:

basically, for it.

505

:

And so I, of course, converted

that into today money.

506

:

You're looking at two hundred and

two thousand seven hundred and thirty

507

:

three dollars, which just does not

508

:

Glo: That seems low.

509

:

Beth: Like,

510

:

Glo: Yeah.

511

:

I think there would be a lot more people

hunting, honestly, if it was that cheap.

512

:

Beth: I'm saying, shouldn't

it be like five million?

513

:

I

514

:

Laura: Yeah, I think you gotta

be able to like, buy yourself a

515

:

small villa somewhere for each

516

:

person, yeah, yeah.

517

:

Beth: Yeah, The s the supply

has gotta be low for that

518

:

because you gotta kidnap, right?

519

:

Laura: There's so much

520

:

Beth: transport.

521

:

Laura: very high risk, like

lots of places things go wrong,

522

:

Glo: I just wouldn't

want to do that in Texas.

523

:

I don't know.

524

:

When I think of the most dangerous game, I

want to be like in the jungle, an island.

525

:

I don't know.

526

:

Have you guys read the book?

527

:

I've read that story.

528

:

I've taught it a million times

as an English teacher, but

529

:

okay.

530

:

Yeah.

531

:

It's

532

:

Beth: Yeah, I I feel like that's

why you purchase a private

533

:

Laura: Yeah.

534

:

Beth: if Leonardo DiCaprio invites

you to his private island, don't go.

535

:

Glo: Right.

536

:

Beth: That

537

:

is moral of the story.

538

:

Laura: Yeah, pretty much any billionaire

invites you to their private island.

539

:

Maybe think about that a

540

:

Yeah.

541

:

Beth: like five tasers, a

542

:

hunting knife,

543

:

Laura: if you get invited to a

very rich person's ranch in Texas,

544

:

maybe also think about that.

545

:

Yeah.

546

:

Beth: invites you anywhere, don't go, just

547

:

Laura: Yeah.

548

:

These are good rules for life.

549

:

We're really helping

550

:

people here.

551

:

Yeah.

552

:

Beth: We are, we're helping you

553

:

Glo: get hunted.

554

:

Beth: stay out of danger, yes, not get

555

:

hunted

556

:

Glo: not reinsferred yourself.

557

:

Beth: Alright then Stringfellow wanders

into the bar, and after fucking levitating

558

:

to the bar, As far as I can tell,

the sheriff arrests him for drinking

559

:

a beer in a bar while being from out

of town and not having an ID on him.

560

:

Laura: he does the papers please

561

:

thing, and Stringfellow's ID is gone

562

:

Beth: And he's all like,

how'd you get here?

563

:

And Stringfellow's like, I hitched.

564

:

He's like, okay, well now you're arrested.

565

:

Laura: yeah, what a

566

:

simple

567

:

time.

568

:

Beth: Yeah.

569

:

But yeah I assume he hunts him,

er, I assume he arrests him so that

570

:

he can use him to hunt for sport

571

:

later.

572

:

Laura: that's the

intention all along, right?

573

:

This guy's from out of town, nobody

knows him, nobody gives a shit what

574

:

happens to him he's great material.

575

:

Beth: He doesn't even have an ID on

576

:

him, like, fuck

577

:

Glo: Dang, guys,

578

:

Beth: Ohio may be for lovers, but Pope

County is for fascists and people hunting.

579

:

Glo: I wonder how much

people hunting happens.

580

:

Is it this easy to set up?

581

:

Beth: There was that one guy in

582

:

Canada, Robert Hanson, I think was his

583

:

Laura: I'm sorry,

584

:

what?

585

:

Beth: Um.

586

:

He was a serial killer.

587

:

There's a a Nicolas Cage,

John Cusack movie about it

588

:

called Frozen Ground, I think.

589

:

But, he chose sex workers and

would fly them out in his plane.

590

:

Oh no, it was in Alaska.

591

:

And he'd fly them out to the wilderness.

592

:

In his plane, drop them in the middle

of nowhere and hunt them, basically.

593

:

And of course it took them forever

594

:

because cops will not look

for Marginalized people.

595

:

So anyway I know that was

a thing that happened.

596

:

I just don't think it's probably

a thing that happens often.

597

:

I like

598

:

to think.

599

:

Laura: Yeah statistically, it's

probably an extremely we're much

600

:

more likely to die in a car accident

than a plane accident kind of thing.

601

:

Much more likely to be struck

by lightning than bit by a

602

:

shark or whatever, but still.

603

:

It's probably a non zero amount,

which is a little distressing.

604

:

Beth: Yeah, like that's the thing.

605

:

I don't want to look up the

actual statistics because I

606

:

will just freak myself out.

607

:

Laura: Well, and then the statistics

are only based on people who've

608

:

been ca I should stop talking.

609

:

Oh,

610

:

Beth: I would be a terrible criminal.

611

:

I have way too

612

:

much anxiety.

613

:

Laura: Yeah.

614

:

No.

615

:

I can't keep track of stuff.

616

:

Like, to lie, you have to keep

617

:

Beth: then you have

618

:

Laura: information, guys.

619

:

Beth: god, forget it.

620

:

And

621

:

then

622

:

Laura: power is elsewhere.

623

:

Beth: where that shit is?

624

:

I'm not gonna remember.

625

:

I don't know what happened this morning!

626

:

Shit!

627

:

Okay so cut to Dom having

a full blown conversation

628

:

with Airwolf.

629

:

I am now 100 percent

sure that Dom has fucked

630

:

that helicopter.

631

:

Glo: Duh!

632

:

No!

633

:

Beth: no, he's fucked

634

:

that helicopter, He has, he has JD Vanced

635

:

with that helicopter,

636

:

Glo: See, I'm thinking Stringfellow maybe

637

:

Beth: for

638

:

Glo: played it a cello solo or something,

639

:

Laura: yeah, he's definitely serenaded

640

:

the helicopter.

641

:

Beth: So has Dom, with his penis.

642

:

Laura: Is it me or does Airwolf

look smaller than like in the pilot?

643

:

I felt like in the pilot.

644

:

Airwolf had seven guys on board

doing stuff at consoles and stuff.

645

:

And now in this one, it was like big,

it was small enough that Dom's just

646

:

like throwing the cape canopy over

it or whatever, to try to hide it.

647

:

And I was like, it seems a

lot different than the pilot.

648

:

Beth: It's possible, maybe their

budget got cut in half because

649

:

they were like, the show's bad.

650

:

we're only gonna give you half the budget.

651

:

Laura: Maybe it's just

me, but it seemed smaller,

652

:

Beth: I don't know, it seemed smaller.

653

:

I'm on board with that.

654

:

Laura: but she has a coffee maker.

655

:

You guys, because Dom is making himself a

coffee when he gets surprised by a lion.

656

:

Beth: He has the correct idea,

which is hide in the helicopter,

657

:

whereas my dumb ass would be like,

I can make friends with this lion.

658

:

I can fix him.

659

:

Laura: can't fix the lion, guys.

660

:

That's lesson number four.

661

:

Beth: Don't be Beth.

662

:

Don't try to make friends with that lion.

663

:

You'll live a lot longer.

664

:

If I could just get underneath that lion's

chin with my fingies, I could give him

665

:

little chin scritches, and then he'd

purr, and then we'd be best friends.

666

:

I'm just saying, it could happen.

667

:

Anyway, Caitlin flies to

the sheriff's station in her

668

:

helicopter with a court order,

669

:

like a bad bitch, to produce

the Jimmy Blake Biker.

670

:

Deputy Dumbass is shocked

that Stringfellow's real

671

:

name isn't also Jimmy Blake,

672

:

which is what Stringfellow

told them it was.

673

:

And he was all like,

You lied to the sheriff?

674

:

Like how many James Blakes do

you think are fucking running

675

:

around, Deputy Dumbass?

676

:

Laura: like Deputy

677

:

Dumbass.

678

:

He's just incredible.

679

:

Beth: But anyway, so then we cut back

to Dom screaming at Sam the lion, who's

680

:

yelling back because if a human is

going WAAAHH at you, you're gonna WAAAHH

681

:

right back at him and it seems right.

682

:

So yeah, and then we and then we go

back to Stringfellow who has figured

683

:

out that Caitlin is the woman he saved.

684

:

She's all What do you mean

you didn't get a phone call?

685

:

And he's all I didn't.

686

:

And she's, yeah.

687

:

Laura: Yeah.

688

:

Stringfellow tries to get her to just

let him go, but she's a real Ben Curley

689

:

type, and she's not going to do that.

690

:

But she will do the phone

691

:

Glo: Really though I wrote down well,

yeah, he is a she is a very much like

692

:

my husband I also put down paladin

exclamation point for Kate for Caitlyn.

693

:

She is our paladin.

694

:

Beth: I put down Lawful

695

:

Good Ben Curley.

696

:

Glo: If anybody listens to Last

Time On, he is your internet dad.

697

:

Beth: Sometimes he's my real

dad, because he was all like,

698

:

Beth, change your wiper blades.

699

:

Glo: Wait, does that make you my daughter?

700

:

I love it.

701

:

Beth: Yeah, canonically I am the daughter

702

:

Glo: I'm here for it.

703

:

Laura: String blows in his phone

call back to Dom on the Airwolf,

704

:

because Airwolf also has a car phone.

705

:

Beth: Yeah,

706

:

Laura: The bag phone.

707

:

You guys

708

:

remember the

709

:

Beth: big Yeah, oh yeah.

710

:

Laura: Huh yeah.

711

:

Dom has his own problems

because the lions are circling.

712

:

, but it all doesn't matter

because the sheriff pulls his

713

:

gun on Caitlin and String.

714

:

Beth: And he immediately takes

Caitlyn to jail and tells

715

:

Stringfellow they're going hunting.

716

:

Laura: And we've confirmed Jimmy, the

real Jimmy Blake is 100 percent dead.

717

:

Beth: Just

718

:

shot him in cold blood.

719

:

Laura: Yeah, off screen.

720

:

R.

721

:

I.

722

:

P.

723

:

Beth: Cause only, the only thing that

can be on screen in the show is grape.

724

:

Glo: Yeah.

725

:

Beth: that's totally

normal, not at all weird.

726

:

Laura: Speaking of not at all weird

the rich guy who's paying 100, 000

727

:

to hunt Stringfellow Hawk basically

talks about wanting to live his

728

:

fantasies of what Vietnam would have

been like if he hadn't dodged the

729

:

Glo: Yes.

730

:

Laura: is insane.

731

:

This man is

732

:

insane.

733

:

And

734

:

Beth: good move on the writer's part

because it's like, yeah, we're totally

735

:

saying that big game hunters are cowards.

736

:

That's a thousand percent

what we're saying.

737

:

What are you going to do about it?

738

:

In 1984,

739

:

Laura: I think this is probably calling

out a certain type of man in the 80s.

740

:

It's there's.

741

:

probably a lot of this type of man who's

just like, well, if I had gone to Vietnam,

742

:

I would have been the hero or whatever.

743

:

And

744

:

Glo: down there Rambo.

745

:

Laura: Yeah.

746

:

This weird glorification of that

conflict is something I think they're

747

:

actually like calling attention to and

is more than I expected of the show.

748

:

Beth: Yeah, and it's honestly beautifully

749

:

done.

750

:

Laura: It's subversive almost

sometimes, you know, like we have

751

:

this, Really macho dude show.

752

:

And sometimes it'll make

the secret feminism.

753

:

And I think this isn't secret feminism.

754

:

Is it?

755

:

What is this?

756

:

Or like a secret rewriting

of masculinity or something?

757

:

I don't know.

758

:

It's very interesting.

759

:

Glo: self aware somehow So where it's

like the show woke up for a second and

760

:

then it goes back to sleep But it's it

there is some Interesting progressive

761

:

clarity at some times in this show.

762

:

Beth: Yeah.

763

:

Yeah.

764

:

They're really, and I feel like

this episode was a bit more

765

:

cohesive than the first season.

766

:

Like I think that the writing was better

767

:

Glo: Was definitely a lot more palatable.

768

:

It felt like, Oh, it's already over,

where it was the same amount of

769

:

time as the other ones that we had

770

:

Laura: mm hmm,

771

:

Glo: definitely felt like, Oh,

there was an actual story to

772

:

this one that was pretty decent.

773

:

Beth: There was a

beginning, a middle, and an

774

:

Laura: mm hmm,

775

:

Beth: All of the sexual

assault, personally.

776

:

But,

777

:

Glo: give your hounds some meat sometimes.

778

:

Beth: Oh,

779

:

we haven't gotten there yet, Glo.

780

:

So,

781

:

That also hits on why

Deputy Dumbass is on my

782

:

shit list.

783

:

But The sheriff pulls up and deputizes

the hunter and says that, someone, that

784

:

he's got an escaped fugitive on the loose

and he needs to go find him, so this

785

:

way the hunter can kill him legally,

basically and the hunter and Houston

786

:

eventually catch up to Hawk, who's

running around the desert, basically and

787

:

meanwhile, The sheriff returns to the

sheriff's department and tells Deputy

788

:

Dumbass to go get the gang of gross.

789

:

When the deputy asks if the sheriff

really has to do that, the sheriff

790

:

says, When you've got a good pack

of hounds, you've gotta give them

791

:

some meat every now and then.

792

:

Laura: This is disgusting obviously

for a whole bunch of reasons, right?

793

:

But the other reason in here that

I'm disgusted is these goons.

794

:

are not any sort of law enforcement.

795

:

They're just like his off the books guys

that he does, has to do stuff, you know?

796

:

Beth: His enforcers, yeah.

797

:

Every fascist has them!

798

:

Yeah, and this is where my issue

with Deputy Dumbass comes in.

799

:

Because he's Oh, don't do that!

800

:

And then the little weenie

spineless little motherfucker Like,

801

:

just goes and gets him, knowing

full well it's gonna happen.

802

:

Laura: Yeah.

803

:

He doesn't have enough brain cells

to rub together and try to figure

804

:

out something out of this yet.

805

:

Yeah.

806

:

Beth: They go grab the goons, or they

go grab, we can't say that anymore.

807

:

He goes grabs the gang

808

:

of

809

:

Glo: can't say goons?

810

:

Beth: No,

811

:

Laura: Oh, oops.

812

:

I definitely

813

:

did.

814

:

Beth: Well, goon, I don't think

it's racist, but goon and gooning is

815

:

something involving off or something

816

:

Glo: my, yeah, my students definitely use

that as a sex term now, not a, yeah, this

817

:

is glow high school teacher over here.

818

:

Yeah, gooning means

something totally different.

819

:

So if you say goon squad,

they're going to think

820

:

Beth: They're gonna think

821

:

you're in a

822

:

literal circle, Jerk.

823

:

Glo: Shout out to our Gen

824

:

Beth: maybe you are.

825

:

Like,

826

:

no judgment,

827

:

Laura: work on two levels then?

828

:

Like I don't know.

829

:

Beth: I guess.

830

:

With them it does.

831

:

Laura: Yeah.

832

:

Beth: Anyway.

833

:

It's at this point that Dom rolls up

in Airwolf, flips the zebra print jeep.

834

:

What the

835

:

Laura: Yeah,

836

:

Beth: And

837

:

Laura: King, I'm telling ya.

838

:

Beth: yeah, it really,

it's giving Tiger King.

839

:

And the hunter guy dies immediately.

840

:

And The Houston guy ends up with a broken

841

:

leg at the

842

:

paws of a very angry Sam the Lion.

843

:

Laura: Yeah.

844

:

Cut to those idiots in the jail cell

laughing about their impending gang

845

:

rape and Caitlin kicks one of them

in the ass, but now she's emasculated

846

:

him yeah, he's got to take her down.

847

:

He tackles her.

848

:

But then, suddenly, Airwolf!

849

:

Glo: Yay, Airwolf.

850

:

Beth: So at this point

Stringfellow's like, give us Caitlyn.

851

:

We're gonna shoot ya after he blows

up the dude's car cuz fuck yeah

852

:

And what does what is the response

853

:

Laura: The sheriff decides to kill

854

:

And Deputy Dumbass finally grows his pair.

855

:

Beth: better

856

:

late than never I

857

:

guess

858

:

Laura: some of us

859

:

are just late bloomers, that's all.

860

:

And String shoots up the whole

jail because the sheriff won't

861

:

stop shooting at him, mm.

862

:

Glo: okay, can you guys

help me straighten this out?

863

:

Okay.

864

:

Okay.

865

:

Caitlin does look like she's like.

866

:

Straightening her pants?

867

:

So did this happen?

868

:

Beth: I think it did,

869

:

Glo: she just bounces back and she's just

ready to go to action like holy shit.

870

:

Beth: yeah.

871

:

And that whole scene just made me really

sick to my stomach because of that.

872

:

And also because of how chill

Deputy Dumbass and the Sheriff

873

:

were while they were hearing her

874

:

screams.

875

:

Laura: Mm

876

:

Glo: Okay.

877

:

All right.

878

:

Laura: Yeah, so she

gets to her helicopter,

879

:

Beth: Yes.

880

:

Deputy Dumbass gets her to a helicopter.

881

:

She's in there safely.

882

:

And then he gets shot to death by

the sheriff before the sheriff gets

883

:

blown up with all of his hounds

884

:

Laura: catch that he got shot to death.

885

:

Beth: Yeah,

886

:

it's like a super quick

887

:

Glo: I didn't I don't even

have that in my notes.

888

:

Laura: Everything is very fast paced here

889

:

Beth: Which, I think that's the other

thing that made this interesting.

890

:

episode more palatable than

season one was the pacing.

891

:

The pacing was significantly better.

892

:

For all the shit I gave the editor

earlier, I do understand why we did a big

893

:

long drawn out flight scene because it's

the first time Airwolf is taking flight

894

:

in season two you gotta make it cool.

895

:

But the pacing this first episode of the

season was, I think, significantly better.

896

:

And it made it easier to watch,

897

:

Laura: Yeah.

898

:

Beth: some extent.

899

:

Then Caitlin flies her helicopter next to

Airwolf and is all like, Thanks y'all but

900

:

I'm still Deputy Ben Curley, so I gotta

arrest you for blowing up the sheriff's

901

:

office and killing all those people.

902

:

And

903

:

Glo: Ben Curley

904

:

Beth: he's all LOL.

905

:

Laura: Yeah.

906

:

I'm a helicopter jet, ma'am.

907

:

Beth: It's like, I can't.

908

:

I can't.

909

:

You break it up.

910

:

And then he zooms off.

911

:

Laura: And Santini gives him

some shit about how cute that

912

:

lady was, and sings the yellow

rose of Texas to ending montage.

913

:

Beth: Yes,

914

:

Which I'd only ever heard

in wrestling context.

915

:

So that was interesting to

hear it outside of that Yeah,

916

:

Laura: That's funny.

917

:

Beth: because one of the Von Eriks

I think was called the yellow

918

:

rose of Texas So I've heard it

in that context, but that's it

919

:

Laura: Interesting.

920

:

And scene.

921

:

Beth: and

922

:

Glo: That was sweet britches, guys.

923

:

Beth: Britches

924

:

Laura: Yep.

925

:

Beth: I feel bad about the cinnamon

roll I drew at the top of the

926

:

episode now, my episode notes.

927

:

Laura: If only.

928

:

If only it had been cinnamon rolls.

929

:

Beth: I was so excited, I was hoping that

it would just be a cinnamon roll shop,

930

:

Glo: I am gonna say that I love

this new character in Caitlyn.

931

:

I think she's great.

932

:

She's definitely got that, I don't

know, Princess Diana vibe to her look,

933

:

but also Manic Pixie Dream Girl, but

also has a head on her shoulders.

934

:

She's interesting.

935

:

Yeah.

936

:

Laura: Do we think we get

to keep Caitlyn, though?

937

:

Beth: I think we do, cause

she's in the opening credits,

938

:

like she's not, cause and I thought,

maybe that's how they're doing guest

939

:

stars now, but then there's the guest

starring thing and she's not in that.

940

:

She's like in the opening

credits So I think

941

:

and it would give I think a little

bit more balance to it because

942

:

you've got Dom full chaos gremlin

943

:

Laura: Huh.

944

:

Beth: Stringfellow emo weird boy.

945

:

You need like you need deputy Ben

946

:

Laura: You know what I

want from Caitlin now?

947

:

I want her to be like

Stringfellow's Javert, right?

948

:

Am I getting the, I'm not

getting the characters confused.

949

:

I

950

:

Glo: Heard following him.

951

:

Laura: yes.

952

:

Glo: man

953

:

a fugitive

954

:

Laura: him down.

955

:

Beth: Dude

956

:

Glo: That would be

957

:

Laura: I would love that for her.

958

:

Give me that.

959

:

Beth: That'd be so cute, but they

sass each other the whole time?

960

:

Laura: There's a little sexual

tension there, which you don't

961

:

really get from the other

962

:

story.

963

:

Yeah,

964

:

Glo: obviously beautiful, right?

965

:

She's obviously somebody who you know,

they could have crushes on they could

966

:

have a conquest, but she's not overtly

sexy so They almost give her the girl

967

:

next door, cute little sister vibes.

968

:

So I think that there definitely

will be sexual tension going on.

969

:

But not so much that she's like the other

female characters that Stringfellow has

970

:

been into where it's just this smoldering,

971

:

yeah, like Gabrielle or the smoldering,

sexy kind of thing that makes

972

:

the women have to get killed off.

973

:

Yeah.

974

:

Laura: I think we've hurt

975

:

Beth.

976

:

She is dying back

977

:

Beth: You didn't betray me!

978

:

It was the wine!

979

:

wine betrayed me!

980

:

Laura: Yeah.

981

:

Curses.

982

:

Beth: No I think you're right.

983

:

I think this is going to be a

very like will they or won't

984

:

they situation

985

:

And my prediction is that in the

final episode of the series They're

986

:

gonna end up together, but not until

then, because before then, she'll

987

:

Glo: Oh!

988

:

Beth: I think he'll get

his happy ever after

989

:

with

990

:

Laura: Yeah, he's got to get

his brother back first though.

991

:

He's really focused on the brother.

992

:

Beth: Get Saint John

993

:

Glo: Oh, St.

994

:

John.

995

:

St.

996

:

Laura: Yeah.

997

:

I still can't believe I

didn't know that was a thing.

998

:

Glo: All right, Beth.

999

:

What are we watching next?

:

00:41:59,889 --> 00:42:02,119

Laura: Yeah, you've got

to calculate for us.

:

00:42:02,119 --> 00:42:04,179

Do our magic millennial math.

:

00:42:04,179 --> 00:42:04,329

Beth: Okay,

:

00:42:05,079 --> 00:42:07,229

Laura: the rules of the ancient ways.

:

00:42:07,229 --> 00:42:11,629

Glo: For those of you just tuning in,

we do a MASH game because we're girls

:

00:42:12,459 --> 00:42:12,669

Laura: Of a

:

00:42:12,669 --> 00:42:12,999

certain

:

00:42:12,999 --> 00:42:13,359

age.

:

00:42:13,399 --> 00:42:14,109

Glo: age, right?

:

00:42:14,109 --> 00:42:17,089

It's a very scientific formula

that we've come up with for

:

00:42:17,089 --> 00:42:19,319

choosing our next episode.

:

00:42:19,319 --> 00:42:19,819

Beth: Alright.

:

00:42:19,819 --> 00:42:20,089

Great.

:

00:42:20,089 --> 00:42:22,209

Okay, I believe it is Glow's turn.

:

00:42:22,859 --> 00:42:24,069

Glo: Okay, what do I gotta do?

:

00:42:24,069 --> 00:42:25,779

Beth: Tell me when to stop the spiral.

:

00:42:26,029 --> 00:42:27,039

Glo: two, one, stop!

:

00:42:27,039 --> 00:42:30,799

Beth: Two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight.

:

00:42:30,799 --> 00:42:34,579

Okay, we're gonna watch,

we're skipping three episodes.

:

00:42:35,129 --> 00:42:39,899

That is putting us at Season 2, episode 4.

:

00:42:39,899 --> 00:42:40,949

I don't know what it is.

:

00:42:41,209 --> 00:42:42,359

I'm gonna go grab my phone that I

:

00:42:42,359 --> 00:42:42,729

threw.

:

00:42:42,919 --> 00:42:43,239

Hold on.

:

00:42:43,779 --> 00:42:46,049

Laura: I have the power of

the internet right here.

:

00:42:46,249 --> 00:42:46,909

Let me just

:

00:42:47,169 --> 00:42:48,419

Beth: I have the power of the internet.

:

00:42:48,419 --> 00:42:49,679

It's just on the floor.

:

00:42:49,959 --> 00:42:54,219

Laura: I'm showing that season

two, episode four, right?

:

00:42:54,219 --> 00:42:56,739

Would be, The Truth About Holly.

:

00:42:56,789 --> 00:42:57,569

Beth: Oh, it looks like it's

:

00:42:57,764 --> 00:43:03,284

Laura: don't 100 percent know, but the

description says, Rescued from a drug

:

00:43:03,284 --> 00:43:09,244

kingpin with Hawk's help, Santini's niece

becomes increasingly jealous of Caitlin.

:

00:43:09,244 --> 00:43:12,294

Glo: is it because Caitlyn

and Stringfellow have a thing?

:

00:43:12,294 --> 00:43:17,374

Or is it because Santini is taking Caitlyn

under his wing and treats her like family?

:

00:43:18,219 --> 00:43:22,099

Beth: Is it because they did finally

start that cinnamon roll shop?

:

00:43:22,099 --> 00:43:26,942

And Holly doesn't get as

many cinnamon rolls as

:

00:43:27,067 --> 00:43:27,667

Glo: Hmm.

:

00:43:27,804 --> 00:43:28,004

Laura: If

:

00:43:28,049 --> 00:43:30,339

Beth: Or hers have half

the amount of icing?

:

00:43:30,484 --> 00:43:33,544

Glo: But you guys know, this

means that Caitlyn comes back.

:

00:43:33,604 --> 00:43:35,804

Laura: Yeah, this is confirmed right here.

:

00:43:36,343 --> 00:43:37,343

Glo: that makes me happy.

:

00:43:37,843 --> 00:43:41,393

Beth: It would be a weird fakeout to

have her in the opening credits and then

:

00:43:41,393 --> 00:43:42,403

to never see her again.

:

00:43:42,993 --> 00:43:43,583

For sure.

:

00:43:43,763 --> 00:43:47,033

Laura: I wouldn't put it past the Strode

to just have poorly structured credits,

:

00:43:47,033 --> 00:43:47,513

Beth: that is

:

00:43:47,558 --> 00:43:50,248

Glo: This Holly lady sounds

pretty expendable, though.

:

00:43:50,353 --> 00:43:50,753

Beth: women.

:

00:43:51,303 --> 00:43:51,703

She's

:

00:43:52,303 --> 00:43:52,813

maybe.

:

00:43:52,943 --> 00:43:54,843

Glo: gonna get our hogtie count up again?

:

00:43:54,843 --> 00:43:57,543

But

:

00:43:57,643 --> 00:43:59,403

Beth: Ho, ho, ho, ho!

:

00:43:59,723 --> 00:44:00,833

Laura: kingpin, right?

:

00:44:00,863 --> 00:44:04,523

We rescue, if we rescue her from

the drug kingpin in this episode,

:

00:44:04,523 --> 00:44:06,863

we could potentially have some

:

00:44:07,073 --> 00:44:07,823

Beth: A hogtie.

:

00:44:07,883 --> 00:44:14,553

Glo: it doesn't fall into our

western spy Nazi category, so

:

00:44:14,553 --> 00:44:15,043

Maybe.

:

00:44:15,303 --> 00:44:17,943

Laura: Yeah where is

this drug kingpin setting

:

00:44:17,973 --> 00:44:20,074

that could, Influence it, or

:

00:44:20,164 --> 00:44:21,194

Beth: Is it in the West?

:

00:44:21,449 --> 00:44:24,379

Laura: yeah what level

of spyage do we need to

:

00:44:24,514 --> 00:44:30,484

Beth: He's gonna travel back in time to

:

:

00:44:30,888 --> 00:44:31,508

Glo: All right.

:

00:44:31,868 --> 00:44:33,058

You heard it here, folks.

:

00:44:33,058 --> 00:44:33,848

Beth: Alright!

:

00:44:33,898 --> 00:44:35,668

Well, thanks for listening.

:

00:44:35,908 --> 00:44:37,058

Come back next week.

:

00:44:37,058 --> 00:44:37,658

Okay, bye!

:

00:44:37,903 --> 00:44:38,553

Glo: Bye, guys.

:

00:44:38,923 --> 00:44:39,813

Laura: Bye!

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About the Podcast

Cool Girls Don't Look at Explosions
Have you ever been curious about what men watched in the 80's and 90's, but didn't want to sit through it? Have we got a show for you! Join Beth, Glo, and Laura as they skip through dude centric TV while laughing, mocking, and maybe finding the secret feminism.