Episode 2

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Published on:

16th Jan 2025

S1 E2 Airwolf: All Iguana, No Cream Cheese (Part 2)

In this episode, the cool girls beef with Mermaid Man and camels. Oh and they finish off the pilot episode of Airwolf.

Join The Discord @ https://discord.gg/MUHKDDk6TN or email us at coolgirlsgoboom@gmail.com

Transcript
Beth:

To Cool Girls Don't Look at Explosions, where we watch DoTV

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quickly because we're busy professional

ladies with busy professional lives.

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I'm Beth.

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Laura: And I'm Laura.

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Yeah.

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Beth: Airwolf, Episode 1.

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UGH!

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Laura: Two parts guys.

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Beth: Dear God, okay.

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We

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Laura: Where did we leave the air Wolf?

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Everybody.

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Beth: when it was about to

fire upon the American Star

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Destroyer, but the water kind.

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Laura: Yeah, unnamed, right?

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We

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don't get a name for the Star Destroyer.

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Yeah.

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Beth: we

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Glo: But my notes say that

we see the missile, but then

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it goes back to the eagle and

Stringfellow's playing his cello.

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Laura: I think that's right.

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I think depending on what method

you were using to watch this

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pilot, you may or may not

have had a break here.

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Mine had

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a break with the opening again, like

the canyons and the lizard and whatnot.

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Yeah.

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And then it cut to Stringfellow

Hawk sitting on the dock

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playing cello to the eagle.

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Yeah.

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Glo: so deep.

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Beth: was just like, hey,

we're diving right in.

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We're gonna

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Explode that bad boy.

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Glo: and mine wasn't even broken up, I'm

glad you guys knew where to look at it.

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Laura: Yeah.

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Beth: So anyway, the sailors

are having a very bad time.

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And they're running around, and

the radar is picked up on a massive

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fuck off missile coming their way.

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And while that happens, some

Tron music from Wish plays.

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Laura: Yeah.

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Beth: as one of the co pilots

of Airwolf in his helmet

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Glo: can it be Timu Tron?

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Timu

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Beth: T Mutron, I like

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Glo: There you go.

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Beth: Mutron, yeah.

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Laura: Alliteration.

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Beautiful.

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Beth: love

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Glo: like a billionaire.

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There you go.

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Sponsor us.

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Beth: If a car company could sponsor

us, that would be super tight.

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Mama wants a Bronco.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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It's so cute.

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It's

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Glo: really cute, but don't watch

any of the ta of the test crashes.

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Those things fold, they

fold like an accordion.

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Don't sue me, Bronco.

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Laura: There goes our sponsorship.

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Glo: You know

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what's not cute?

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Airwolf.

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Beth: Thank you

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Laura: The show or, the copter or,

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Beth: Or the constant misogyny.

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It's not.

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No.

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Laura: So everybody was

running around on the ship in a

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panic.

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Airwolf's co pilot was not cool with this.

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He was like, are we really gonna,

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are we really gonna?

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Beth: But then he goes with it anyway and

he's wearing I love that their helmets

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look like they're stolen straight from

like the Star Wars Empire Collection,

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like they all just look like they're

about to fire on the Death Star.

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Laura: It's like even one step down.

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It's like the Spaceballs collection.

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Glo: Yes.

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Yes.

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I

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Laura: everybody's wearing the Spaceball.

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Glo: we keep bringing it

back to fantasy and sci fi.

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Beth: We are who we are.

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Glo: We

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Beth: if anyone has any good girly sci

fi recs for future movie breaks feel

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Laura: Oh yeah, we'd take

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Beth: know on the Discord right now.

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Laura: Yeah, so they do

the thing, I don't know.

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There's some kind of a cut.

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I think.

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Beth: And Mr.

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Spaceballs Helmet goes, The missile has

detonated, as if we didn't notice by the

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gigantic fucking explosion in the middle

of the ocean but yeah, and so then we go

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to the eagle soaring and predatory hawk

once again playing the cello for it.

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Glo: And,

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Laura: there's some talk about he's

trying to get the eagle to trust him

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by playing music for her.

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And it's a metaphor for Gabrielle, right?

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Beth: Yes, she's all Ooh, I

didn't know you serenaded eagles.

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And we're all just supposed to forget

how last week he pinned her to a bed

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and called her a whore and a liar.

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And has just been like, aggressively

mean to her the entire time.

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No wonder the eagle doesn't

want to hang out with you, dude.

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Glo: Yep.

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Laura: Yeah, I think the dog

gives a big sigh too, which is

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about how I felt at this point.

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Beth: Yeah.

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Ted's not even here for predatory hawks.

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Bullshit.

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Glo: No.

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Laura: I'm honestly not even sure

what happens in this next section

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Beth: I had a,

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Laura: all

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I wrote in my notes is Ernest

Borgnine's character can fuck right

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off with his views on women's lib.

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So can you all enlighten

me on to why I wrote that?

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Beth: Yes, I got the receipts right here.

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Anyway, okay.

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So anyway, Gabby's all

ooh yeah, I love you.

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And then they make out, and

a delusional man wrote that.

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And then mermaid man tries to

fly the merka hop copter onto

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the dock, but the dog won't move.

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And the scene takes forever.

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And I think we're supposed to think

it's funny, but it just takes forever.

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Like it's not funny and

somebody should have cut this.

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Then,

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Mermaid Man, oop, sorry,

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Glo: go ahead.

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Beth: and then Mermaid Man runs into

the cabin with a box and tells Predatory

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Hawk that he's going to land on that dog.

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Again, I think this is

supposed to be funny.

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Gabby runs downstairs, pulling on a

sweatshirt, and she offers to help Mermaid

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Man with his box and Mermaid Man goes,

quote, I don't believe in women's lib.

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Laura: That would

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be why I wrote that.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Beth: oh, don't worry,

Laura, it gets worse.

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Laura: Sure.

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Go ahead.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Beth: And then Gabby goes, what the fuck?

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And Mermaid Man elaborates by saying

that he believes in keeping the

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sexes the way, quote, God intended.

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Glo: She is literally an amazing dancing

spy and you are a helicopter pilot.

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Are you kidding me right now?

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What?

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Beth: And not even like

the good helicopter pilot.

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It's giving Harrison, what

the fuck was his last name?

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Bukacki?

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Butker?

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Whatever that guy.

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Who's not a good kicker.

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Yeah.

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Laura: Yeah,

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Beth: yeah.

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Laura: Sports guy, but his mom is a PhD.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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His mom has like a physics PhD.

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Like one of

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the really hard ones.

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I don't consider the one I'm

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going to try one of the really hard ones

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Beth: I do.

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I consider any PhD a really hard

one, especially when involving math.

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Laura: The hard sciences, man, and he

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had the audacity, but

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Glo: I didn't know that.

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Beth: Yeah.

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Laura: Yeah.

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Beth: Yeah.

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Laura: But Hawk also can fuck right off,

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is the next thing I wrote.

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And

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I remember this part.

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That he suggested Gabrielle cook dinner.

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Because again, it's not good enough

that she's an amazing dancing spy,

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she also has to cook the dinner.

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Beth: She does.

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Also, I think it's important to note that

there's a weird meat interaction here.

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Yeah.

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Cause Mermaid Man basically

explains away his misogyny by

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saying, quote, It's my prerogative.

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My dude, you just

microaggressioned all over Gabby.

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And then went, oh,

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it's my opinion, fuck off.

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And then she's all it's all good as long

as you've got red meat, cause I've only

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eaten vegetables for the last six days.

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Glo: Skinny jokes.

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More skinny women jokes.

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Yikes.

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Beth: Because you can't win either way.

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But yeah.

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Then he's all like, hey babe,

why don't you fix dinner?

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Glo: What go out and leave her there?

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Yeah, it's just really weird.

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Beth: And then he tells her to

fix a steak for the dog as well.

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Glo: So dog servant on top

of fantastic dancing spy

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Beth: Yep.

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Glo: this dog who also Like string fellow

says that he can just leave his dog

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and it can hunt and be self sufficient

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Beth: Yeah.

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Sir, that's a dog, not a wolf.

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Laura: And we must make the

woman subservient to it.

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Even.

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Though it is self sufficient,

but she needs to make it dinner.

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Yeah.

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Beth: Yeah.

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And then, the menfolk go off to

the helicopter and do the zoomies.

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And while they're on the

helicopter, Mermaid Man feels

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the need to say, I like her.

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She's a little skinny though.

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Laura: Again,

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there is no winning.

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Glo: After

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you starved her and berated her for

wanting to save a beautiful creature,

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it's just Okay, if you're this manly

go hunt a moose for her or something.

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What?

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Beth: Yeah.

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And it's it always just fills me

with rage when, as I'm sure it does

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all of us, when men feel the need to

like comment on women's bodies and

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when it's normalized in TV shows,

because it's just it's entitlement.

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Like they are entitled to.

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past judgment on somebody else's

body and somebody else's personality

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and like all this shit and it's

just like you look like sweaty limp

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lasagna what the fuck have you done

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Laura: And they use it as a way to

diminish any accomplishment a woman has,

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Oh, she's an amazing dancing

spy, but she's a little skinny.

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She's done great things as a politician

and world leader, but she's fat.

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Fuck off.

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Fuck off.

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Beth: Yeah like we are not superheroes

we are people chilled fuck out like

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Laura: huh.

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Going after anybody in the

public eye's body, I've

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seen it done to men as well.

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It seems like it is a faster

trigger for people, for a woman,

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But this, we do it to men

too oh, he's a fat guy, ha,

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Beth: But it's more

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Laura: body is not the person.

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Beth: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Laura: much, a much faster

trigger for most people.

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If it's a woman, they're like, oh.

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Too fat, too tall, too

frizzy, too something.

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She's just wrong.

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She's just no way.

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There's no perfect woman.

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Glo: I have a note that

says Valley of the Gods,

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Beth: Yes.

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Glo: so

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we're back there.

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Beth: Yeah they fly into the Valley of

the Gods and it's so cold, and they talk

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about how cold it is, and then they go,

even the Native Americans don't go here

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and which is just a weird thing to say

and, then they return from the flying.

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Because they fly into a cavern, and then

it cuts to them returning, and I'm not

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really sure what the point of that was.

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Laura: I think, were they talking

at this point about their plan?

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They were plotting to arrange, yeah.

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they're going to meet up in Tripoli.

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I

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don't think that the firm knows

that Ernest is going to be involved,

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that Mermaid Man is involved.

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And they're going to meet there

and they're trying to do something

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with the helicopter on their own.

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Beth: Yes, and we're

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not

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Glo: in comes eighties Colonel Sanders.

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Beth: 80s Colonel Sanders has returned!

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Glo: Is in

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the cabin.

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Beth: Eating that dinner and informs

Predatory Hawk that they will be

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moving up the timetable to find Airwolf

because the President's real pissed

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off, and the Star Destroyer, but on

water, um, got blown up, so now the

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President's really pissed off, and he's

threatening to send in the Marines in

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48 hours if they don't find Errol first.

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And then it'll be the start

of World War III, which has,

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Glo: it's all on the cello player.

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Beth: Yes.

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Always, it's always on

the cello player, man.

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Bass clef is best clef.

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Bam!

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Glo: Note that says that

he punches the colonel.

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Did that happen?

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I think I was so fatigued at the

end of the this watch session.

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I was just like whoa

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Beth: because okay so he's all

so the colonel's all, he's all

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like, Where the fuck is Gabby?

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And, Colonel Sanders is yo, I

sent her ahead and he was like,

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why did you leave her for a week?

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And Colonel Sanders

was like, to brief you.

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And I feel like there was an

innuendo in there, but I don't know.

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Everything in the 80s was weirdly sexual.

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So who knows?

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And then he was like,

why did you take my art?

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He was all like, that wasn't my idea.

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That was the firm.

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And then predatory Hawk says, I

could have taken it out on Gabby.

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Laura: Huh.

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He did say that.

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I wrote that part down.

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Beth: Yes.

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And then he, and then

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Colonel Sanders was like, did you?

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And he was like, no.

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And then he punches Colonel Sanders.

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And then my blood turned to ice water

because I'm pretty sure we're supposed

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to the implication is that we're,

like, supposed to think that Predatory

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Hawk is such a good guy because he

didn't beat the shit out of Gabby

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for something that wasn't her fault.

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Yeah.

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Laura: Yeah.

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he's such a

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good guy restraining

himself for this woman.

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Yeah.

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Huh.

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Okay.

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Beth: Who's,

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Been subsisting on vegetables

and nothing else for six days.

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Jesus Christ.

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Glo: We're only on the first episode,

guys, and we're already getting all this.

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Geez.

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Beth: know, I

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Laura: So we head out.

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I guess we're at some sort of military

facility where he gets his cover stuff.

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Beth: Yes,

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Laura: only thing I wrote down

from this scene Oh, he's in Paris?

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Okay.

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The

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most important thing that I took

away from this scene was that

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Stringfellow Hawk never wears underwear,

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which sounds uncomfortable.

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Beth: That is in fact the most important

thing I took away from this scene as well.

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Cause he comes in his

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Laura: Hard to not, yeah.

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Haha.

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Beth: in this very frumpy suit that

she is so much better than tells

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him to strip.

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Yeah.

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And he's all the fuck, which, fair.

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And then she's we've got 16 minutes,

get the fuck out of your pilot suit.

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And then she hands, she like, briefs

him, and she tells him he's got 10

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minutes to read till chapter 10 in

some book to get his cover story right.

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And that she's got all this money for

him, and she's got a cover for him,

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so like an ID and letters and stuff.

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And then she tells him that she's also

got A suitcase full of clothes for him.

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They are all used, including

the underwear I'm afraid.

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And then he says, It's cool.

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I don't wear underwear.

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And so I have a question.

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Where the fuck did they get these clothes?

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Are we to take from this that

they stole somebody's jerseys?

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And didn't launder them.

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And if so, What happened to her?

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Glo: Ugh.

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Oh,

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Laura: It's the last

spy, obviously, right?

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The last dude spy that got, and when

we recovered his body, we just took

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the stuff off and stuck it in a pile

and now we're going to use it again.

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Waste not, want not, guys.

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Beth: Don't you kinda sometimes

shit yourself when you die?

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Is there poop?

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Is there

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a poop situation?

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Laura: said used.

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Yeah.

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Beth: I guess it's a good thing.

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What we should all take from this

episode is that if you're a spy, and

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your handler gives you a suitcase full

of used clothes and she tells you that

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the underwear is used, it has poop in it.

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So you're now a commando, girly.

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Glo: I'm so worried for Gabi if they

had continued their relationship,

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her just grilling steaks and

cleaning skid marks out of his jeans.

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Laura: Oh,

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Beth: Oh, he definitely is one of those

guys who has an unwashed ass, for sure.

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Laura: I don't know, maybe the

end of this pilot is a relief.

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Glo: Yeah, girl,

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we find out that Angela is

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dead

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Laura: It's

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Glo: and that our new operative is,

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Beth: Gabby!

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Gabrielle!

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Glo: Gabrielle

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Beth: Oh,

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Glo: also a sexy dancer.

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Beth: Sexy dancer.

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I see that I wrote after about

the underwear situation, quote,

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I don't wear underwear, I need

a lobotomy after the show.

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Glo: God.

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Beth: love that.

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Glo: Cause he's

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always ready for sex.

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Beth: Wouldn't it smell like pee?

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Don't dudes not wipe after they piss?

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So is he just wiping his little

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Glo: Can we call him

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Beth: situation?

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Glo: Can we call him Skidmark Hawk now?

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Skidmark

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Gross Cock.

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I don't know.

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Oh, jeez.

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Beth: Now Gabby is doing sexy arm dancing.

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In place of Angela, and we find

out that Moffat thought that Angela

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was very fragile and Gabby seems

more robust because they've already

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made her because she was sent in.

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By the same theatrical company

that sent in Angela, so they

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already know she's a spy.

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The firm is very bad at being a secretive,

undercover, weird, shady agency,

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and they should feel bad about it.

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Sigh.

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Yes.

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Laura: 101, right?

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Spy 101?

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Diversify your backstories?

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Glo: Yup.

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Beth: She should come from a

completely different place.

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What the fuck?

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But anyway, Moffat goes,

she's more substantial.

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And then I threw up in

my mouth a little bit.

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Laura: But we were just

told she's so skinny!

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Beth: Angela

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was skinnier.

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Glo: thick.

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Oh, ha.

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Beth: It's all that red meat.

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Laura: or is she substantial?

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I don't

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know.

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Beth: Was Angela just

made out of bird bones?

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Was she, they looked like

they were about the same, but

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I'm not a man, so clearly I don't

have the aptitude for such things.

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So anyway,

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Glo: Anyway,

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Dom shows up.

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Beth: Ooh, yes!

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Who's down?

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Glo: He's early.

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Beth: Oh,

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shit, Mermaid Man!

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Cool cool.

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Okay, yeah.

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Glo: in the alley.

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Beth: Yes.

453

:

Yes.

454

:

Although, before we get to the

alley, though Angela goes backstage.

455

:

She's super sweaty, because she did

all that really intense arm dancing.

456

:

And then, who should come

in but Skidmark Hawk?

457

:

And he's all Hey.

458

:

baby.

459

:

Hey.

460

:

What the fuck are you doing here?

461

:

Even though he just got briefed.

462

:

And she's all My job!

463

:

And I'm like, Fuck yeah!

464

:

And then they,

465

:

Glo: Guys,

466

:

Does that mean that

Stringfellow can't read?

467

:

Can that be headcanon?

468

:

That he's just illiterate?

469

:

Laura: yes, that

470

:

can be.

471

:

Glo: Amazing.

472

:

Beth: read!

473

:

I'm here for it!

474

:

Yes!

475

:

He's the father of Leo Michelle,

and that's why she can't read,

476

:

cause no one ever taught her,

cause her dad couldn't read either.

477

:

Conspiracy theory.

478

:

It's there.

479

:

Glo: my.

480

:

Yeah.

481

:

Beth: Anyway yeah, and then, he's all

Hey, don't die, and you gotta get on this

482

:

plane, cause it's not safe, and then she's

all I promise I won't die, and at that

483

:

point, we all know that Gabby's gonna die.

484

:

Gabrielle.

485

:

. Laura: Yeah.

486

:

Glo: Yep.

487

:

Cause we have to keep Stringfellow and

not the awesome, sexy, dancing spy.

488

:

Laura: Yeah.

489

:

This would be terrible if it

was a sexy dancing spy show.

490

:

Just the worst

491

:

Beth: Yeah.

492

:

Jesus Christ.

493

:

I have a feeling, and this is like I

guess my prediction for the rest of the

494

:

show, it's going to be one of those James

Bond situations where it's just going

495

:

to be some new babe du jour every week

and then she's either going to disappear

496

:

or die under tragic circumstances.

497

:

The show feels very like it's

going to throw away women.

498

:

Laura: Yeah.

499

:

Precedent set, right?

500

:

Beth: Yeah.

501

:

Then she's all Gabrielle's all it's

on site with Moffat and that's fair.

502

:

And then she tells him where she

tells Skidmark Hawk where Airwolf is.

503

:

And then she says she'll

meet him the next day by two.

504

:

So again, she is going to die.

505

:

So yeah, then Skidmark Hawk.

506

:

leaves the club, runs into Mermaid Man,

they run from the cops, I don't know

507

:

why, and then we end up in a car where

Mermaid Man casually tells Skidmark

508

:

Hawk that Mermaid Man and Skidmark

Hawk's dad had a threesome with a

509

:

lady who vibrated like a jackhammer.

510

:

Glo: Yeah, he talked about, I don't know,

it was like Latin America or something

511

:

like that and he just starts talking

about his dad's conquests and ugh.

512

:

Laura: Yeah.

513

:

And.

514

:

The whole conversation is much

too loud for this backseat.

515

:

There is no way these

police are not that dumb.

516

:

They would have heard this.

517

:

Glo: Yep.

518

:

I

519

:

also want to mention the camel cameos.

520

:

Beth: yes.

521

:

Glo: Do you guys

522

:

notice The adorable camels?

523

:

Beth: I did.

524

:

Laura: I missed it.

525

:

Yeah.

526

:

Beth: I have a beef with camels.

527

:

One spit on me when I was four.

528

:

For no reason.

529

:

Unprovoked.

530

:

Glo: a, that's not just a

thing that happens in cartoons.

531

:

Beth: Nope.

532

:

It happened to toddler me.

533

:

And so anyway, camels are dead to me.

534

:

All other animals are cute,

but camels can get fucked.

535

:

Glo: Okay.

536

:

Beth: That's my weird beef.

537

:

Laura: We have some

healing to do around that.

538

:

This is probably not the podcast for that

539

:

though.

540

:

Beth: Nah.

541

:

Welcome to

542

:

Cool Girls Don't Look at Explosions,

where we will heal in hell.

543

:

Okay, so anyway.

544

:

Then there are camels, yes.

545

:

And then we find out.

546

:

It cuts back to Gabrielle who's being

detained by some Libyan soldiers and she's

547

:

being questioned and they're like we know

you're a spy and she's no, I'm a dancer.

548

:

And then Moffat slimes his way in

behind her and puts his hand on her

549

:

shoulder and is all I can assist Gabby.

550

:

And then cut to another

Star Destroyer but in water.

551

:

Where some dude is rehashing the

plan and says our boys will go in.

552

:

And a woman in a suit says,

and women are part of our boys

553

:

and one has already died for the

554

:

Glo: I went back, Our boys include

women, one of whom has already

555

:

given her life in this mission.

556

:

Is this the same lady

who told him to strip

557

:

and gave him the briefing?

558

:

Okay, they

559

:

Laura: Oh,

560

:

Glo: her a name yet.

561

:

Beth: No, they

562

:

Laura: I just wrote that she seemed to

be one of the firm's ladies, and she was

563

:

calling out military misogyny and the

habit of addressing everyone as men by

564

:

default.

565

:

Glo: So does this

566

:

mean that their writers

know what they're doing?

567

:

Laura: Is this

568

:

the secret feminism again,

569

:

this part is not so Secret

570

:

Yeah,

571

:

Beth: Secret feminism.

572

:

But yeah, and then dude's all

oh, it's just a figure of speech.

573

:

Again, just excusing the

microaggressions that are happening here.

574

:

Glo: Just locker room talk.

575

:

Beth: right?

576

:

Boys will be boys.

577

:

Motherfucker.

578

:

And then we cut to Moffat in the desert.

579

:

And , my heart sank, because I already

knew this is, and then we pan to

580

:

Gabi.

581

:

Glo: up to a jeep.

582

:

Beth: And she's

583

:

not having

584

:

Glo: in her Slave Leia costume.

585

:

Yeah.

586

:

Beth: Ugh, yeah.

587

:

And she's already

588

:

kinda getting a little bit of a sunburn.

589

:

Glo: Yeah, they did a pretty good

job with that makeup like you

590

:

could she looked like

she was suffering and

591

:

Laura: Oh yeah.

592

:

Glo: They do a good job

cutting up her chest area to

593

:

show that she's gotten,

beaten a little bit.

594

:

Beth: Yeah.

595

:

And then we cut back to Mermaid Man and

Skidmark Hawk checking out an Italian base

596

:

after following a Russian chopper there.

597

:

And then we cut back to

Moffat still torturing Gabby.

598

:

Laura: Paused here and did a Google.

599

:

This is the second time I had

to do a Google about the actors.

600

:

If you remember I've discovered that our

string fellow guy actually was a jealous.

601

:

When Ernest Borgnine

went into the Italian.

602

:

I was like, this is wicked good.

603

:

Why is this so wicked good?

604

:

He was born Hermes Efron Borginio.

605

:

Yes.

606

:

So he appears to be of that generation

that like, Born immigrant, gone to

607

:

Hollywood, had to Americanize myself to

make myself a name and be a big actor.

608

:

And god damn it, I wish I hadn't known

that, because then I felt just a tiny

609

:

bit more sympathetic to Ernest Borgnine,

610

:

Beth: Yeah, man.

611

:

Laura: how he had to cut

that part of himself,

612

:

Do the Hollywood thing,

and it's ah, damn it.

613

:

Beth: cause and that's

a cool as fuck name.

614

:

I wanted him to keep that.

615

:

Shit.

616

:

Yeah.

617

:

Let's see.

618

:

Yeah, I'd be second gen.

619

:

Second gen American.

620

:

And I still know.

621

:

A little bit of Maltese, it's

mostly stuff I can't see in public

622

:

because my grandmother swore like

a sailor, but Yeah, you pick that

623

:

Laura: Cool grandma.

624

:

Yeah.

625

:

Beth:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

626

:

CH!

627

:

Glo: Did you guys see that Stringfellow

gets a sneaky peep of Airwolf?

628

:

Beth: Yes.

629

:

Glo: Before we go back to

Gabrielle in the desert, which, is

630

:

this another trigger

warning we have to drop?

631

:

Beth: I think

632

:

so?

633

:

I was gonna drop

634

:

Glo: okay?

635

:

I'm just yeah drop it

636

:

Beth: Yeah.

637

:

Trigger warning We are

talking about torturing women.

638

:

The abuse of women.

639

:

Yeah.

640

:

Glo: and

641

:

guys sexual assault Did you

guys not pick up on that?

642

:

Laura: I wrote down is he

untying her ankles to rape her.

643

:

Glo: I put that is he going to rape her?

644

:

And I'm

645

:

pretty sure the answer is yes he undoes

her ankles and then the next time we see

646

:

her she is splayed out on the ground.

647

:

Laura: Yeah.

648

:

I think that's the implication.

649

:

Pretty strong for the nineties.

650

:

Oh, this was the eighties.

651

:

Glo: the 80s.

652

:

Beth: Ooooooh.

653

:

Glo: Yeah.

654

:

Laura: And obviously when he was

talking about how fragile Angela

655

:

was, I was pretty sure that was a

reference to the same criminal act.

656

:

So

657

:

Glo: Yep.

658

:

Yes.

659

:

Exactly.

660

:

Beth: I was

661

:

Glo: There's that.

662

:

Beth: yeah.

663

:

Mmmmm.

664

:

Glo: Having her gun, having a

gun pointed at her head, she

665

:

has sun blisters at this point.

666

:

They do a really good job.

667

:

Whoever did the makeup for her

really made it look like she was

668

:

getting sunburn and sun blisters.

669

:

Laura: Yeah.

670

:

It looked awful.

671

:

Beth: And then we cut back to

Skidmark Hawk and Mermaid Man rolling

672

:

up on the other two Americans who

stole Airwolf, talking about how

673

:

Moffat has Gabrielle tied up and

is torturing her in a sand dune.

674

:

Skidmark Hawk is gonna make

these dudes talk, clearly.

675

:

And then we cut back to Moffat

and Gabrielle, who is looking

676

:

very near death at this point.

677

:

Then we cut back to Mermaid Man

and Skidmark Hawk and they've taken

678

:

Airwolf and they're gonna shoot their

way out, obviously, because what the

679

:

fuck show are we watching if not?

680

:

Glo: first we got to talk

about the really bad karate

681

:

Like, Stringfellow just karate's five

guys and shoots them, and then he gets in

682

:

with Dom, who is whoa, there's a lot of

controls in this thing, and they take off,

683

:

and then they start shooting everybody.

684

:

It's just oh, what 11 year old wrote this?

685

:

I'm gonna karate them, and then I'm

going to take my guns, and then I'm

686

:

gonna shoot you with my machine guns.

687

:

It's gonna be great.

688

:

Laura: These were the machine

guns we didn't get from Viper.

689

:

Beth: Yeah, dude!

690

:

Could have cut half of this machine gun

budget, given it to Viper, and then the

691

:

Leather Daddy situation would badass.

692

:

Not that

693

:

Leather Daddies aren't badass,

because they are, but Anyway.

694

:

Glo: Talking

695

:

about Leather Daddies,

696

:

Dom gets the video working.

697

:

Do you like that?

698

:

Beth: 10,

699

:

Glow.

700

:

10 out of 10.

701

:

Glo: Thank you.

702

:

I appreciate it.

703

:

And who do they see on the view

704

:

screen?

705

:

Beth: they see Gabrielle.

706

:

Glo: Yes.

707

:

Tied up in the sand.

708

:

Beth: And she,

709

:

Glo: yeah.

710

:

Beth: cause Moffat rolled out of

there in his Lawrence of Arabia jeep

711

:

with a machine gun attached to it.

712

:

Glo: Mm

713

:

hmm.

714

:

Laura: Yeah.

715

:

Beth: And then Gabrielle says

she really wants to see an

716

:

eagle again, and then she dies.

717

:

Glo: Before this Stringfellow

gets up and cuddles her.

718

:

Mermaidman brings a jug of water.

719

:

All he does is wet her lips.

720

:

Doesn't give her any.

721

:

She's still alive, if

you guys noticed that.

722

:

And

723

:

she's just duh, and he's I love

you, not getting her into the

724

:

shade, not giving her any water.

725

:

Come on!

726

:

Laura: Why are we not, there's two

able bodied, theoretically, men here.

727

:

Why are we not putting her in

the helicopter immediately?

728

:

Beth: Yes.

729

:

Glo: Yep,

730

:

Beth: just photosynthesizes For

nutrients, as all women in the 80s did.

731

:

So obviously, she weighs nothing.

732

:

So they could have just lifted her into

the air Like, into airwolf, but whatever.

733

:

Laura: Yeah.

734

:

I was pretty mad.

735

:

Glo: yeah, seriously, it was like,

they could, they got her in time.

736

:

They could have gotten some liquids

into her, but she had to die in this

737

:

crappy dude's arms, and she's mumbling

about eagles, and then he gets angry at

738

:

her and says, she promised me, damn it.

739

:

Laura: Also, we've already established

Stringfellow's tragic thing with

740

:

he's got his brother who's MIA.

741

:

Did we really need to fridge a woman

in this first episode in order to

742

:

give him some motivation and stuff?

743

:

Glo: I literally wrote in, I wrote

in all caps, everyone he loves dies.

744

:

Guys.

745

:

Beth: I just wrote

746

:

Why must we sacrifice the lady again?

747

:

But yeah, that's why I think they're

just gonna kill off all of his

748

:

love interests from here on out.

749

:

They're not gonna kill

off his brother though.

750

:

He's gonna find his brother and

everything's gonna be fine there.

751

:

But his brother's gonna be like

evil or something, I'm pretty sure.

752

:

Yeah.

753

:

So anyway, yes.

754

:

Yes, I also wrote, she

promised me, dammit!

755

:

So then Moffat is fast and

furiousing through the desert,

756

:

and Airwolf is in pursuit, and

then a helicopter gets blowed up.

757

:

And then another

758

:

one gets blowed

759

:

Glo: there's,

760

:

But not Airwolf.

761

:

These are the Libyan

762

:

copters that they said were

probably Russian copters.

763

:

Laura: Yeah

764

:

Beth: up

765

:

Glo: a missile.

766

:

Yes.

767

:

Beth: Yeah.

768

:

But after the copters, though.

769

:

, it's tank time, bitch!

770

:

As you can see I wrote,

really big tank time, bitch.

771

:

Cause, cause they brought out the tanks.

772

:

It was very like a 5 year old

wrote this, and Henry had written

773

:

this, and was just like, Mashing

a copter into a tank arrggghhh!

774

:

Glo: Gonna be seeing more tanks.

775

:

Oh,

776

:

Beth: do think it was

weird that you didn't hear.

777

:

Any cannon fire from the tanks.

778

:

Like I feel like the sound designer just

got really bored with this project and

779

:

forgot to put sound in there.

780

:

And then, as Glow is saying, you go glow

781

:

Glo: that there's a missile that is

launched and it looks like Airwolf

782

:

has been blown up and Moffat is ha.

783

:

I win and then it comes

up over a sand dune

784

:

Moffat at this point is angry and

we get a call back to the time when

785

:

Moffat was telling us that the only

way to shoot down an is to shoot up

786

:

the butthole of the fuel hole, and that

he's gunnin for it with his hand pistol.

787

:

And Stringfellow is just shooting

at him and that he runs out

788

:

of ammo and his hand is still

shooting because Gabrielle is dead.

789

:

Beth: Everyone he loves dies.

790

:

He's tragic.

791

:

R.

792

:

I.

793

:

P.

794

:

Skidmarkhawk.

795

:

You would have really

loved Hawthorne Heights.

796

:

Yes.

797

:

But also, R.

798

:

The gun choice.

799

:

I know it's metaphorical and shit, and we

talked about it earlier, but Motherfucker

800

:

has a goddamn big ass, machine lookin

gun on the back of his Jeep, and he's

801

:

really gonna pull out his little baby gun?

802

:

Laura: Huh.

803

:

He brought a pistol to a helicopter fight,

804

:

Beth: Exactly!

805

:

Yeah!

806

:

Glo: Yup.

807

:

Beth: That's the shirt

right there at Iguana.

808

:

Yeah!

809

:

Moffat, I don't know, but he dead now.

810

:

Cause he got nuked.

811

:

He's probably not dead

though, to be honest.

812

:

He's This is probably Aha!

813

:

He totally got blowed

up, but he's not dead.

814

:

Let's be real.

815

:

That is my other prediction.

816

:

He's gonna come back and

817

:

just be

818

:

Laura: think he's coming back?

819

:

Glo: Oh.

820

:

Beth: Cause we don't see a body.

821

:

Laura: Okay.

822

:

Glo: Are We going to make, are we going

to make predictions like the boys?

823

:

Beth: We could.

824

:

We could call them our totally

cute predictions or something.

825

:

Yeah.

826

:

Laura: We're almost,

827

:

there.

828

:

we're

829

:

Glo: almost, we're so close.

830

:

Beth: Yeah.

831

:

We

832

:

Glo: They borrow an F14.

833

:

Beth: Yes.

834

:

Glo: cute predictions.

835

:

Okay.

836

:

Cool.

837

:

Beth: Although, okay, so Archangel

is all like, yelling at somebody

838

:

into the phone, and then he turns

to the one dude and is just Hey, may

839

:

I please borrow an F 14 from you?

840

:

And they're like, cool,

841

:

and so he does.

842

:

I I guess that's how you borrow one.

843

:

Victor, if you could let us know if

that's how one goes about borrowing

844

:

an F 14, that would be lovely.

845

:

I need one.

846

:

For

847

:

science.

848

:

Laura: Yeah.

849

:

Yeah.

850

:

Hit us in the discord.

851

:

Yeah.

852

:

Beth: and then Mermaid Man

drops Skidmark Hawk back off.

853

:

Archangel is in the cabin and has

returned skid mock hawk's, art skid.

854

:

Mark Hawk won't tell Archangel

where Airwolf is because

855

:

he wants his brother back.

856

:

So he is like holding a hostage basically.

857

:

And Archangel says basically every agency

is angry and that they're gonna try to

858

:

find it this whole time and they're gonna

try to get the information out of him.

859

:

But that they're probably not gonna

stop looking for his brother now.

860

:

And that Hawk will be protected

if he works for the firm.

861

:

And Hawk is I don't know.

862

:

Then Archangel asks if Gabrielle suffered.

863

:

And Hawk's Nope!

864

:

Nope!

865

:

Everything was chill,

866

:

Glo: he was covering or does

he really think that she didn't

867

:

suffer or is he covering because

Archangel and Gabriel were close?

868

:

Beth: I think

869

:

Laura: I guess he's covering.

870

:

but I was like, why would you do this?

871

:

Why?

872

:

Glo: You would want to know if you're

operative and how, like, how they went

873

:

out and if they were tortured, right?

874

:

Laura: Yeah, it really

875

:

shows how this time period or

this organization or this show

876

:

does not value the lives of

877

:

women because we throw them into

these they're a vulnerable person as

878

:

the half naked woman, dancing spy.

879

:

And we throw two of them at a madman,

880

:

Beth: Yeah.

881

:

Laura: and let him rape and murder

them, and then we lie for each other's

882

:

comfort that there was no suffering.

883

:

Fuck.

884

:

Off.

885

:

Glo: When you put it like that, Laura,

886

:

Beth: this damn

887

:

Glo: But the person

888

:

Laura: have feelings.

889

:

Glo: Yeah.

890

:

Beth: I agree with your

891

:

Glo: we should feel bad, though

892

:

Beth: sorry.

893

:

Glo: The person

894

:

we should feel bad for, though, is

Stringfellow, who is crying on the dock.

895

:

Not just little tears, but, there could

be a snot bubble, and I would have

896

:

been okay with it that many tears.

897

:

and

898

:

playing the

899

:

Beth: he plays, yeah.

900

:

Glo: the eagle again.

901

:

Beth: In the sunset this time.

902

:

Cause the metaphors in this show,

903

:

they're heavy handed.

904

:

But, yeah.

905

:

Maybe it's the first

time he's cried in years.

906

:

Maybe this is like A moment

of catharsis for him.

907

:

He could just go to therapy,

908

:

Laura: guess.

909

:

Beth: but Sure.

910

:

I think it would have been really cool

911

:

Laura: their weak, long

lover in Libya than go

912

:

to

913

:

Beth: ha ha ha

914

:

Ha

915

:

Glo: think that should also be a thing.

916

:

What are men more willing

to do than go to therapy?

917

:

This episode, it is have

your lover die in Libya.

918

:

Beth: But, yeah I think it would

have been really cool if the

919

:

dock had exploded at this point.

920

:

But, fine.

921

:

We just got a freeze

frame on an eagle instead.

922

:

Laura: The end.

923

:

Beth: The end.

924

:

I guess it's, yeah, that's it.

925

:

But did we want to do some totally

cute predictions for this season?

926

:

Glo: Yeah.

927

:

Let's do it.

928

:

Do we each want to do one or?

929

:

Laura: I think one's all I got in me.

930

:

Yeah.

931

:

Glo: Yeah, that

932

:

Beth: I can do one.

933

:

Glo: I'll do mine first.

934

:

This is Glow.

935

:

My prediction is

936

:

that we are going to see many episodes

end at the cabin with Stringfellow

937

:

sadly playing his cello and more

than one female is going to get

938

:

played out by Stringfellow's cello.

939

:

Laura: Oh the rhyme on that.

940

:

Superb.

941

:

Glo: The mellow Stringfellow cello.

942

:

Laura: Just gets better.

943

:

Beth: That's his Duke Silver.

944

:

My prediction is that we have

not seen the end of Moffat

945

:

and that he will end up Either

946

:

directly or indirectly being the over

arguing bad guy for at least this

947

:

first season, if not the whole show.

948

:

Laura: Okay.

949

:

My prediction is that it seems like

it is a little bit tense between

950

:

the firm and the U S government.

951

:

So Stringfellow is definitely going to

get like a U S government antagonist.

952

:

Like he's going to be an FBI guy

or a military guy, but he's like

953

:

coming at Stringfellow several times.

954

:

Glo: I like it.

955

:

Beth: And then you know

what's gonna happen?

956

:

It's gonna turn into an

enemies to lovers situation.

957

:

They're gonna end up fucking.

958

:

Laura: Oh, we can only hope.

959

:

Beth: Stringfellow was gay,

960

:

and so is the FBI agent,

and now they're together.

961

:

The end.

962

:

Laura: Yeah.

963

:

Beth: He plays the violin.

964

:

Glo: This is the 80s.

965

:

They can't be gay.

966

:

Beth: They can

967

:

Laura: But there will be subtext, surely.

968

:

Beth: Yeah!

969

:

Homoerotic

970

:

Glo: Not in my macho man show.

971

:

Beth: This is America.

972

:

My pronouns are we the people.

973

:

Glo: God.

974

:

Laura: Okay.

975

:

Who's going to play us out?

976

:

Glo: We have to mash it, don't we?

977

:

Laura: Oh Yeah.

978

:

Yeah!

979

:

We got to mash this thing.

980

:

Glo: So do you want to explain what

you're doing to the, for the audience?

981

:

Beth: Okay, so right now I'm writing

out the name of the show, because

982

:

we're doing like a modified MASH.

983

:

Which is the game that teenage

girls played in the early:

984

:

So I'm writing, instead of MASH, I'm

writing out the name of the show.

985

:

And then I had Laura Tell me

when to stop for the rings.

986

:

Because you draw a swirl and

then you count the rings.

987

:

And then however many rings you count.

988

:

The different categories.

989

:

So I'm going to use that to figure out

how many episodes we're going to skip.

990

:

So one, two, three, four, five,

six, seven, eight, nine swirls.

991

:

All right, so we are going to

go ahead and skip six episodes.

992

:

Laura: Okay.

993

:

Beth: Is going to put us at,

994

:

okay first of all, we're missing an

episode called Daddy's Gone a Huntin so

995

:

I'm upset about that, but, let's see.

996

:

Glo: No!

997

:

Laura: man.

998

:

Beth: ha

999

:

Laura: should keep the backwards element.

:

00:43:57,525 --> 00:43:58,495

The randomness.

:

00:44:01,345 --> 00:44:02,915

So it's not gone forever.

:

00:44:02,915 --> 00:44:06,625

Beth: So we are going to watch

Episode 7, Fight Like a Dove.

:

00:44:07,395 --> 00:44:12,205

Hawk reluctantly agrees with

amused Dominic to be hired by cocky

:

00:44:12,205 --> 00:44:17,380

Israeli Nazi hunter Sarah LeBeau

Who seeks revenge on former Dachau

:

00:44:17,595 --> 00:44:17,625

Glo: god!

:

00:44:17,810 --> 00:44:21,250

Beth: commandant, Helmut Kruger.

:

00:44:21,250 --> 00:44:24,110

Who

:

00:44:24,855 --> 00:44:26,142

Glo: Oh

:

00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:27,700

Beth: baby!

:

00:44:28,420 --> 00:44:29,830

Laura: Okay.

:

00:44:31,390 --> 00:44:35,890

This won't be a complicated episode

with today's climate at all.

:

00:44:36,955 --> 00:44:38,615

Glo: you're right though.

:

00:44:38,615 --> 00:44:39,475

Laura: Totally fine.

:

00:44:39,695 --> 00:44:41,085

It's gonna be Totally fine.

:

00:44:41,085 --> 00:44:41,525

Glo: Alright,

:

00:44:41,525 --> 00:44:42,095

guys.

:

00:44:42,930 --> 00:44:43,200

Beth: yeah,

:

00:44:43,655 --> 00:44:44,165

Glo: Make sure to

:

00:44:44,165 --> 00:44:45,345

change your underwear.

:

00:44:45,345 --> 00:44:47,735

Beth: And don't leave

skid marks in your jeans.

:

00:44:47,735 --> 00:44:48,635

Cello music.

:

00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:49,780

Laura: Yeah.

:

00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:51,080

Beth: cello music here.

:

00:44:51,810 --> 00:44:52,860

Have a good week.

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About the Podcast

Cool Girls Don't Look at Explosions
Have you ever been curious about what men watched in the 80's and 90's, but didn't want to sit through it? Have we got a show for you! Join Beth, Glo, and Laura as they skip through dude centric TV while laughing, mocking, and maybe finding the secret feminism.