Episode 5

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Published on:

18th Sep 2025

S2 E5 Walker: Little Chorus of Chuck Norris

This week's episode, the girl's discuss money laundering, bingo halls, and the show's truly heinous theme song. Get comfy in your bathrobe, pull up a rocking chair, and get ready to discuss Season 3, Episode 11 "The Big Bingo Bamboozle."

Transcript
elaines money:

Also like, I know the show is called Walker, Texas

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Ranger, but I'm just gonna say it.

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I feel like this show is, would be

better without Walker, Texas Ranger.

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mabel: Oh good.

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We are recording.

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I was like, we needed

to catch that on pod.

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So good, good, good.

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elaines money: Welcome to Cool Girls.

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You don't.

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Welcome to Cool Girls.

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Shit.

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glo: blah, blah, blah.

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elaines money: more time.

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glo: Bloopers.

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elaines money: to Cool.

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glo: Sorry.

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elaines money: It's okay.

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You'd think by the second

season I'd have this down.

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Welcome to Cool Girls.

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Don't look at Explosions where we watch

dude tv, but quickly, because we blacked

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out at a, Barnes and Noble bought a

ton of books and now have to read them.

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glo: Hmm.

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I,

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mabel: like a great day though.

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elaines money: It was a great day.

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There was this guy, the manager

at the Barnes and Noble was just

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like, 'cause like my rule at the

time was like, okay, I can only

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have as many books as I can carry.

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then the Barnes Noble guy is of

course, like, here, have a basket.

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Don't you want a basket

for all those books?

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I was like, oh no, it's okay.

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I could carry it.

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And he's like, there's a

holiday weekend coming up.

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I'm just saying, and

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glo: Oh.

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elaines money: this man.

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mabel: Hi, this is Laura.

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My Barnes and Noble doesn't have baskets.

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glo: Whoa.

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elaines money: Oh,

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glo: What are they?

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elaines money: is

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mabel: don't think I've ever seen that.

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Yeah.

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glo: What the

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elaines money: it 'cause the literacy rate

of children has gone down significantly

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according to all of my classes.

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glo: They, they don't, they

don't need more than a handful

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of books here in Oklahoma.

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mabel: Yeah.

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We, we only need the Bible.

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That's the important one.

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Right?

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glo: mm-hmm.

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elaines money: You don't

need a basket for the Bible.

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Jesus helps you carry your load.

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glo: No, man, they got,

they got them pocket Bibles.

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elaines money: Shit.

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Really?

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Oh yeah, that would make

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mabel: Those are only the New

Testament, though usually.

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glo: you, you'd be surprised guys.

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I had a Bible that was about, no,

I had a bible about this big guys.

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Remember I was a camp counselor,

Christian camp counselor.

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I had a very small bib.

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elaines money: Is that how, how thick it

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glo: No, like it was about this,

this thick I'm showing about, I

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don't know, a thumb and then, I

don't know, like two packs of cards.

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elaines money: Okay,

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glo: It was real small.

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elaines money: fit that in your pocket.

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Yeah, yeah.

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Yeah.

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I just feel like

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the religious people should be on the side

of women having pockets because then women

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can carry their pocket bibles, their,

their pockets, you know what I mean?

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Yeah.

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Unless women aren't allowed to

read, unless this is like full

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Handmaid's Tale, I don't know.

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glo: This is cool.

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Girls carry Bibles in their pockets.

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This is, no, no, I don't think it is.

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elaines money: Ooh.

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No,

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mabel: Probably the opposite of that,

but we should still introduce ourselves.

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glo: I'm Glo.

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elaines money: Oh shit.

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I'm Beth

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mabel: And I'm Laura.

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glo: I'm Glo, I'm, oh shit.

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And I'm Laura.

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elaines money: and I'm Cramp

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Tramp.

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Cramp.

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Cramp,

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mabel: Hit me.

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Look, this is snacky cast because

Beth has her cup of tea that

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was just delivered hot off the

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elaines money: and a booby mug.

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glo: Aw,

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mabel: in the booby mug

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glo: titty.

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mabel: Just had a Popsicle, and I have

ice cream and a very tiny glass of wine.

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elaines money: I do believe he

slips some whiskey into this

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glo: Hey.

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All right.

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mabel: Okay,

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elaines money: time for Beth CBD.

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Hot Toddie.

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mabel: I would've never thought of that.

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On my own ever in the universe.

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I mean, I'm just so like

segmented about some things.

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Like this thing is only

this thing, you know?

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And then when somebody shows

me, you can put two things

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together, my mind is just blown.

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elaines money: Same.

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Same, same.

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glo: don't tell her about

ice cream sandwiches.

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elaines money: Oh shit.

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glo: I think we've had a

double dose of Walker this

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week and I'm not better for it.

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elaines money: dude.

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mabel: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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This one was at least, I don't know.

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It was, it was funnier in some ways.

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glo: It was very fun because we had

a leading woman that really like

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made it a cute episode, I think.

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mabel: can chew it up.

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Yes, yes, yes.

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Um.

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elaines money: Yeah.

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She is like charming.

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mabel: But before we get into that,

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elaines money: Yes.

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mabel: we have to talk about

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glo: I.

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mabel: monstrosity.

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That is the new Walker

Texas Ranger theme song.

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elaines money: Okay.

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I don't know if either of you have

experienced the Macho Man, Randy Savage.

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Whoa, shit.

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Oh fuck.

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Uh, for everybody at Home Glow,

just hell up her notes and it just

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says, oh fuck in big block letters.

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Um, so definitely go to

YouTube and look this up.

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We'll post it in the Discord.

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Laura's notes also say, oh fuck.

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Nope.

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They say OMG.

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This is this.

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Worse

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glo: This worse.

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elaines money: in big block

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glo: Your notes are so nice, Laura

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elaines money: I know.

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Today we learned that Laura

has stunning handwriting.

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mabel: no.

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glo: Pro

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mabel: It's the colors.

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The colors, fool.

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You.

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elaines money: Yeah, it's very pretty.

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But yeah, we'll drop it in the discord.

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If you hear rattling in the background,

that's just me refilling my pill case.

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Uh, 'cause I'm elderly and mentally ill.

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mabel: Yeah.

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No, I have to, I have to have it.

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Tell me which ones I take in the

morning and which ones I take at night.

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I, I broke my, well, oh, and broke

my old pill case and I got a new

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one instead of being blue for the

evening and yellow for the daytime.

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It's blue for the morning

and purple for the nighttime.

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And guys, I have mixed

myself up so many times.

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elaines money: uh, yes.

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Mine is just light blue in the

morning and then dark blue in the

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mabel: Oh, that is very nice.

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elaines money: yeah.

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Target.

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This, this episode is brought

to you by SSRIs and Target.

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Um,

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glo: I too have a pill, uh,

container that I do, I do it.

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And I got one of those really big

ones that do a whole month at a

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time, so I only have to sit down.

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But I only have to do all my pills

once a month and it's perfect.

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elaines money: That is perfect.

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I kinda love that.

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But you know what's not perfect?

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Uh, this theme song?

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mabel: This theme song

is so far from perfect.

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It might be on the other

end of whatever that is.

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Yeah,

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elaines money: I could be wrong,

but I am almost positive that

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it is in fact, Chuck Norris.

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Singing.

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Singing.

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Are we calling that

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glo: talk, singing, and

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mabel: there's a, there's

a name for that, guys.

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This is where my music degree is

gonna come in handy for just a second.

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Every, every now and

again, it gets to shine.

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So this style of singing when

you're like half talking, half

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singing, it was like made popular

by Lana, who was a German singer

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glo: Hmm.

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elaines money: Okay.

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Word.

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mabel: and not like super great,

but, um, it's called Rema.

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So

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glo: so

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elaines money: The German language is

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glo: Shrek means talk, right?

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mabel: Yeah.

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Shrek.

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Mm-hmm.

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And I'm, I'm not sure what

Jimma means exactly, but yeah,

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it's basically talk toxing.

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glo: sure.

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Sounds like he's stemming

while he is doing it, so

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elaines money: Yeah, he might be.

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mabel: I mean, I was just so

baffled by this, like why did

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we give this man the microphone?

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Like.

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I get, I, I'm sure it's because

he wanted this, you know?

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Right.

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Um,

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elaines money: No, I think he,

he was like, look, I need to

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win everything including pool

as we'll see in this episode.

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Um, and also I need to have at least.

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10 to 20 roundhouse kicks

to the face per episode.

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And I also, if you want me to

keep doing this, have to sing

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the theme song for the show.

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Also write it because I'm

sure he wrote it because Yeah,

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glo: pretty sure he was just

trying to go for that ego guys.

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mabel: Right.

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The, as I'm listening to this as

it's assaulting my being, uh, I

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turned to Aaron and I'm like, I don't

think that's a choir behind him.

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I think that they took his voice

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glo: No, God no.

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mabel: Lou like many times.

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Yeah.

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So it's a little choir of Chuck Norris's

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elaines money: Because of course, because

if you're, if you've got that, your head

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that far up your own ass, come on, you're

only gonna want a course of yourself.

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glo: That, that is a working

title for this episode.

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Little Course of Chuck Norris.

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elaines money: Oh,

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mabel: I was just, I,

and I think this is it.

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Like this is the theme song

for the rest of the time.

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Right.

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elaines money: yep.

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mabel: great.

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glo: thank god for Skip intro.

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elaines money: So when do you

guys think we're gonna go to Cease

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and Desist from Chuck Norris?

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Do you think it's gonna be like

the second episode of this podcast,

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glo: be, it'll be after Dave Matthews

apologizes to Telequah, Oklahoma.

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mabel: I think Chuck Norris should

have to apologize to Quah too.

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I don't know why.

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He just

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elaines money: I think Chuck

Norris needs to apologize to

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the entire United States of

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glo: are there gay people in Qua?

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mabel: Uh, yeah.

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glo: sure there are.

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mabel: Actually it's uh, they have

an organization called Equality.

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glo: Aw,

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mabel: Like, equality and Taliqua.

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elaines money: super cute.

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mabel: That is the best fucking name.

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I love it so much.

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Good job, guys.

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glo: good.

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elaines money: Okay, well now that

we've talked about that horrific, uh,

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theme song, here we are back in hell

for another episode of Absolute Trash.

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Okay.

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We're starting in a bingo hall and

a shot of a lady with the coolest

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fucking spectaculars I ever did see.

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glo: This entire hall, guys, I

put down what a fashion vibe, like

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mabel: Hey.

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This place is great.

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I'm watching this and I'm like, oh my God.

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So, uh, did I ever tell you I, I did

the tribal audit for one of the Indian

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nations here in the Oklahoma City

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glo: no.

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elaines money: no.

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mabel: Yeah.

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So tribal governments, a lot of 'em

get an audit from an audit firm, like,

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you know, to show their citizens,

like we're upfront with how we spend

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our money and blah, blah, blah.

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And a lot of them have casinos here now.

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But they started with bingo halls, right?

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'cause we didn't have legal casino

gambling for a long time in the state,

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but they were allowed to have bingo halls.

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So the tribal nation that I audited,

they had, they had a really big casino

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that's closer to like the interstate,

like a really nice one actually.

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They, they put me up there while I

was pregnant and doing their audit.

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And it was just real nice hotel.

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No breakfast, like anywhere.

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So I got to order room

service for breakfast.

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It was

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elaines money: Oh hell yeah.

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mabel: But anyway, their tribal government

was near the, like the first bingo hall

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and the bingo hall was still operating

and it had a really kick-ass lunch.

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So every day we'd go over and have

kick-ass lunch at the bingo hall

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and it looked exactly like this.

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Like still like this.

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Same chairs, same tables, same like vibes

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glo: I love it.

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elaines money: yeah.

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mabel: every day at lunchtime there

would be like the ladies who were

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staking out their place for when

bingo started later in the afternoon.

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Like

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elaines money: my God.

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mabel: yeah, I had some

like real nostalgia as we're

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starting in the bingo hall.

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glo: guys.

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I feel like if I really let

myself, I would be one of those

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ladies because this kind of thing

gives me such a dopamine hit.

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Like when we were at S-T-L-V-I, I did

not let myself sit down and boop, the

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shiny boops, because once I boop, the

shiny boops, it's too much of a payoff.

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elaines money: I get you.

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Uh, it really sucks that you were

not there though, the year that it

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was, it was the year I went with my

dad and my sister, so I didn't know

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you guys yet, which is so wild to me.

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So that would've

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mabel: time before us

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elaines money: there's

a time before y'all.

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Yeah.

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Ah,

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mabel: I know.

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elaines money: We went and it was 2021.

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So it was like the first, um, it

was the first convention after

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COVID, so like, it was kind of

empty and wasn't like super big yet.

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And strange New worlds wasn't out yet.

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So like, it was still pretty chill,

but because COVID was still a fear,

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they couldn't do unhinged karaoke

with Dominic Keating and Connor

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glo: Oh man.

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mabel: no.

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That's the best though.

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elaines money: Oh, you guys, but

you know what they did instead.

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Fucking bingo.

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It's all coming around.

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Yeah.

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See there was a point to

the story the whole time.

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Um, but yeah, so like they

did unhinged bingo and

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it was hilarious.

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glo: That sounds like so much fun.

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elaines money: It was, it was very fun.

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okay Laura?

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mabel: I was trying to, I was trying to

like segue us, but then my brain stalled.

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glo: You know?

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You know what's not fun?

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Talking about this episode and

not about Star Trek Las Vegas.

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There we

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elaines money: Yeah.

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That's why we're really stalling over

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mabel: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Uh, I do love that.

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As we are living in this nineties

nostalgia, bingo, hall Walker, Texas

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Ranger just busts into to ruin our

good time because this is a bust.

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glo: Yep.

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elaines money: uh, so my notes

say people of all ages are playing

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the bingo, and why wouldn't they?

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It's hella fun.

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And who shows up to suck the fun?

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None.

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The, none other than Texas

Rangers led by Walker's.

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Boomer ass.

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glo: Yeah, at least t's there.

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mabel: Yeah, T's there.

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T's cool.

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Like he goes to bust the back room,

which is the real issue, right?

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Because we have a money

laundering problem here.

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Like that's the real reason.

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Everything is, is an issue.

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It's not the bingo itself.

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It's like the money laundering

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glo: There's just a lady vibing

on her Walkman with piles of cash.

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mabel: vibing so hard.

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She's just like bopping and

doesn't notice trivette at all.

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And I was like, yeah, this is me all the

time with my noise canceling AirPods now.

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elaines money: Oh yeah, same.

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Same.

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Yeah.

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Played by none other than Raymond's

mom from everybody loved Raymond.

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glo: Do we know her real name?

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I feel bad.

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mabel: Oh my God.

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I don't,

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glo: The name of the

character is Elaine Portugal.

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mabel: yeah,

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elaines money: Which,

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mabel: I didn't know Portugal

could be a last name.

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I thought it was only a country.

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Hmm.

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elaines money: anything can be a last name

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mabel: Yeah.

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If you try hard enough, right?

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Yeah.

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elaines money: hard enough, I guess.

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Yeah.

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mabel: Yeah.

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Walker has to chase some employees

onto the roof though, and like

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kicks them into submission.

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Of course.

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elaines money: Yes.

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Yes.

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Uh, he kicks them into submission

and takes down the probably

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super expensive neon bingo sign,

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glo: just explodes into fireworks.

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Yep.

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mabel: Mm.

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elaines money: of course it does.

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mabel: Yeah.

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elaines money: Uh,

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mabel: He's, after we come back from

theme Walker is such an asshole he's like

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bitching to Alex that I can't believe you

got me doing these stupid bingo busts.

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And it's like guy money laundering

is how you get most of these guys,

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like the baddest of guys like.

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You've either done a money launder

or you've done a wire fraud.

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Or a tax fraud,

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glo: Yep.

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mabel: and that's how we can

get you, like, we can't always

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prove you killed somebody.

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We can't always prove you ordered a

hit, but we can prove you did bad money.

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elaines money: Yeah.

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mabel: So like stop being

an idiot about that.

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Sorry.

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You don't get to do as many kicks.

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I don't

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glo: Yep.

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elaines money: Yeah.

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And speaking of how you get the bads, our

old friend and Chucky's, uh, arch nemesis,

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Ricky Ricken, uh, is behind this bingo

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mabel: Wait.

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He's our old friend.

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elaines money: We've seen him before.

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mabel: have.

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elaines money: Yeah.

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glo: when?

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elaines money: Uh, you know,

that episode where everybody got

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blown up real good, like the car

got blow up and, and, um, drugs?

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Yeah.

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I believe Ricky Ricken was

behind that and got off for it,

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mabel: Ah,

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elaines money: n him or something.

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But we've definitely

seen Ricky Wicks before.

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glo: okay.

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:

I trust

450

:

mabel: I mean, I believe you.

451

:

I just was like, I clearly, like

when I'm taking notes for the show,

452

:

I'm like trying to take as little

time as possible 'cause like Yeah.

453

:

elaines money: Same.

454

:

Same.

455

:

I went right back to my true

blood marathon after this.

456

:

Not gonna lie.

457

:

glo: And guys,

458

:

elaines money: I will.

459

:

glo: is not, this is not an essay.

460

:

This is yuck.

461

:

Yuck jokes.

462

:

Like no one is using this for their

dissertation on Walker, Texas Ranger.

463

:

mabel: I mean, if I figure

out how, I'll let you know.

464

:

glo: Hmm.

465

:

mabel: Yeah, yeah.

466

:

Yeah.

467

:

elaines money: yeah.

468

:

He's losing his shit and they're

talking and she's like, listen,

469

:

this is how we're gonna NAB

Ricky Ricken, chill the fuck out.

470

:

And then Ricky Ricken shows up with

his lawyer and goes, Hey, Walker, long

471

:

time no see, which I feel like not a

lot of people know this, but the phrase

472

:

long time no see has racist roots.

473

:

mabel: No, really?

474

:

elaines money: It, it

475

:

mabel: Oh, is it supposed to be like

Native American broken English or,

476

:

elaines money: Not quite.

477

:

You're very close.

478

:

Uh, it is, yeah.

479

:

It's Chinese, broken

480

:

mabel: Uh, yeah.

481

:

elaines money: Um, it came

about, uh, in San Francisco, I

482

:

glo: makes sense.

483

:

elaines money: um, when there was

an influx of Asian integration,

484

:

um, in the early 19 hundreds.

485

:

And so it was making fun of, uh, the

Asian immigrants who came to America.

486

:

glo: Awesome.

487

:

elaines money: Sorry for this

really depressing history lesson.

488

:

mabel: Yeah, I think I kind of

kind of knew that like on a level,

489

:

but it's nice to have it confirmed

with actual facts in history.

490

:

glo: hmm.

491

:

elaines money: but anyway, so

Ricky Kins and Chucky D Nope.

492

:

Chucky n he's not a member of the BC Boys.

493

:

Um.

494

:

So, yeah, they, they kind of face

off in tough, macho bullshit.

495

:

Talk ensues.

496

:

I'm gonna tuck you down.

497

:

No, you're not.

498

:

I'm better than you.

499

:

Uh, pretend I have action figures

while I'm doing this 'cause

500

:

it's basically what it's like.

501

:

mabel: Mm-hmm.

502

:

elaines money: Uh, and then Walker and

Alex go talk to,, Raymond's mom, who

503

:

turns out to be Elaine Portugal, as we

said, which would be a great name for

504

:

a fem feal, uh, in a film noir from

back in the day Lakes came up to you.

505

:

My name is Elaine, Elaine Portugal.

506

:

She says around, you know,

her cigarette sticky thing,

507

:

glo: Agree.

508

:

mabel: Yeah, Elaine is doing a big, like,

oh, I'm such an innocent grandma act.

509

:

Uh, I didn't know there

was money laundering.

510

:

Well, I, I did know I was, you know,

I'm on social security and so I wanted

511

:

to be paid in cash so that nobody

would take my social security, reduced

512

:

my social Security, but I had no idea

there were crimes happening officers.

513

:

And at this moment I was just like,

yeah, she's, she's one of the bad guys

514

:

glo: Oh, yeah.

515

:

Saw right through that.

516

:

elaines money: I feel like all of

us, the bullshit meter was going

517

:

mabel: yeah, yeah.

518

:

But honestly, like this lady, like the

older lady living alone on some sort of

519

:

social security fixed income situation

is like a prime target for people looking

520

:

for money Mules these days, like yeah.

521

:

elaines money: there's not

enough social security.

522

:

Like people are not getting paid enough,

523

:

mabel: Yeah, and you get these

ads about like, do nothing,

524

:

work from home and make money.

525

:

And it's all just like, here, let us

run our money through your account.

526

:

Like we give you the money from

here and then you wire some of it

527

:

to here, but you keep some of it.

528

:

So you're just laundering for them.

529

:

You're their mule.

530

:

And

531

:

glo: yep.

532

:

mabel: uh, I've, I've seen it

before at one of the financial

533

:

institutions I worked at, yeah.

534

:

There was definitely an old lady

that we tried to explain to her like,

535

:

this thing you're doing is a crime.

536

:

And either, I don't know if she didn't

understand or was pressured in some

537

:

way, but ultimately it wound up with

just like we are closing your account

538

:

and turning you over to the FBI,

539

:

glo: Oh, wow.

540

:

elaines money: Oh

541

:

mabel: we have no other choice.

542

:

So.

543

:

glo: Wow.

544

:

mabel: Yeah, it's, it's really

sad because you, you can't tell at

545

:

some of the, some of the ages, like

how much they understand about the

546

:

way financial crimes have evolved,

547

:

elaines money: right.

548

:

And you know, I'm sure that there are

a lot of people who feel like they have

549

:

no choice because they're on this fixed

income, but they can't necessarily work.

550

:

And then the medical bills

keep piling up 'cause Medicaid

551

:

isn't covering them for a lot.

552

:

Like there were a lot of medications

when I worked at a dermatologist

553

:

that, you know, people needed.

554

:

And they couldn't get, because

Medicaid wouldn't cover

555

:

glo: Hmm.

556

:

mabel: Just like even the, the psychology

of it, you know, if they get this person

557

:

like in their ear on the phone, like

pressuring them to do things that they've

558

:

been told or bad things, but they don't.

559

:

Totally comprehend.

560

:

Like, I don't know.

561

:

He just, just happens.

562

:

But it's sad.

563

:

elaines money: exactly.

564

:

'cause if you, you know, it's that

perfect equation of I don't really

565

:

understand how this technology

works, and I also need money to get

566

:

these injections to make my eyeballs

567

:

glo: Hmm.

568

:

elaines money: That won't be

covered by insurance, like,

569

:

mabel: this is my job and that is my boss.

570

:

Yeah.

571

:

It's just,

572

:

elaines money: right.

573

:

mabel: uh, but you know, who's

not being duped by anything?

574

:

It's miscellaneous.

575

:

glo: Yep.

576

:

elaines money: Elaine

Portugal is a badass.

577

:

Uh, but they ask her to testify and

then like discuss it in a public hallway

578

:

after talking about how Ricky Ricks

has people killed on the re for less.

579

:

glo: Mm-hmm.

580

:

elaines money: uh, don't notice

the guy behind them on a fucking

581

:

payphone talking to Ricky Ricks.

582

:

glo: Yeah.

583

:

And we have this weird guy

who pops up all the time.

584

:

Do we wanna call him something?

585

:

mabel: I was calling him the tail.

586

:

glo: tail.

587

:

elaines money: Ah, that's so much better.

588

:

Yeah, mine was just cool shirt guy.

589

:

'cause like, I like his shirt.

590

:

It's real cool.

591

:

I want one.

592

:

glo: Okay.

593

:

mabel: I thought it was really funny

'cause like we have the Ricky Ricketts

594

:

Goon, who's like the first tail who's

like, yeah, I'm gonna go stalk her.

595

:

But then there's like

the tail of the tail,

596

:

glo: Yep.

597

:

mabel: is just this old guy

with a hat and like a coat.

598

:

glo: I think I

599

:

elaines money: It's the Spider-Man meme.

600

:

glo: right?

601

:

I think I put weird hat guy.

602

:

So he's like Cool shirt guy.

603

:

Weird hat guy.

604

:

The tail.

605

:

mabel: Mm-hmm.

606

:

glo: And for the audience,

607

:

elaines money: in the same band.

608

:

glo: right?

609

:

For the listener.

610

:

It's just a old dude with a cool

shirt and a hat and kind of weirdly

611

:

following everything and we're not

sure what he is until the very end.

612

:

mabel: Oh, I, I, at this point, I

was like, oh, that's her husband.

613

:

glo: Oh, interesting.

614

:

mabel: be the husband that

615

:

elaines money: that is what,

616

:

mabel: it hasn't happened yet, but she

several times mentions her dead husband

617

:

and I was like, it's gotta be that guy.

618

:

And it turns out I was not

right, but like close man.

619

:

elaines money: yeah.

620

:

Like that wa Yeah, that was

definitely my initial thought as well.

621

:

Um,

622

:

mabel: Yeah.

623

:

elaines money: I thought, yeah, I

thought he was trying to keep her safe,

624

:

mabel: yeah, I was like, okay.

625

:

He's like.

626

:

elaines money: I.

627

:

mabel: He, he's not dead clearly.

628

:

Maybe she left him and he's trying

to get her back or whatever.

629

:

So he's following, uh, I don't know,

but we get Walker going to, to Ricky's

630

:

warehouse and he's like poking around

with his boots at the fruit boxes

631

:

and finds a bunch of Bingo cards.

632

:

And then he goes to the bingo hall

again and finds the fruit boxes

633

:

full of bingo cards there too.

634

:

elaines money: And then picks

up a Bingo card and says, bingo.

635

:

So congratulations.

636

:

You can read.

637

:

mabel: I don't think

you can say bingo yet.

638

:

Walker, I think you're supposed to

save the bingo for like later in

639

:

the episode when you've cracked it.

640

:

You haven't cracked it yet.

641

:

elaines money: That's true.

642

:

But given that this man, oh, sorry.

643

:

Glow, you had a

644

:

glo: No, I just have a point of

order after we're done talking

645

:

about the bo, the boxes, the crates?

646

:

Yes.

647

:

elaines money: I was just gonna say, given

that this man sang his own theme song.

648

:

If you can call it that and

had a chorus of his own voice

649

:

instead of an actual chorus.

650

:

Partly 'cause he's an ego-centric weirdo.

651

:

And partly let's be real, because

if he had a chorus, an actual chorus

652

:

backing him up, it might be even

more glaring how bad he is at this.

653

:

Uh, you can't really

expect anymore from him.

654

:

What we what is your point of order?

655

:

glo: there is a new truck.

656

:

mabel: Oh, yes.

657

:

This show must

658

:

elaines money: a new

659

:

mabel: by GMC anymore.

660

:

He has a Dodge now.

661

:

glo: He has a Dodge Ram guys.

662

:

elaines money: yeah.

663

:

We're built Dodge ram tough.

664

:

Don't come at me.

665

:

I know that's Ford's damn.

666

:

mabel: I, I guess maybe

this was maybe the nineties.

667

:

We were all fighting over the rights to

be the truck in Walker, Texas Ranger.

668

:

I could see it.

669

:

glo: could see that too.

670

:

elaines money: I.

671

:

Yeah.

672

:

'cause I guess it was really popular.

673

:

Was there just not good

TV in the nineties?

674

:

glo: I mean, either, either that or

this show knows exactly what it is,

675

:

elaines money: Yeah.

676

:

glo: you know, and if it went on

for this many seasons, you know?

677

:

mabel: People knew exactly

what it was and they liked

678

:

glo: Mm-hmm.

679

:

We're also like in the golden age

of television, so looking back,

680

:

elaines money: no.

681

:

glo: not, not back

then, like now is is the

682

:

elaines money: Oh,

683

:

glo: of television.

684

:

Yeah.

685

:

No,

686

:

mabel: It was pretty good.

687

:

We got good

688

:

glo: we got some really good stuff.

689

:

elaines money: Yeah, we do

have good stuff all the time.

690

:

It's great to be

691

:

glo: back then is not the

golden age of television.

692

:

elaines money: That's what I

thought you were saying and I

693

:

was really upset for, I was like,

694

:

um,

695

:

mabel: so the tail is sitting outside.

696

:

I was confused.

697

:

I thought this was Elaine's house at

first, and then I thought maybe it's a WIS

698

:

witness protection apartment, and then it

seems like maybe it's Alex's apartment,

699

:

glo: I was, yep.

700

:

I was confused as well because Elaine

was making her dinner in Alex's house,

701

:

and honestly, like the way that it is

set up, like the house doesn't look

702

:

like a young person's house, but,

but we're also looking at eighties

703

:

decoration, which we kind of assume,

you know, associate with older fashion.

704

:

So maybe this was fashionable.

705

:

I don't know, dude.

706

:

mabel: I don't know.

707

:

But it's weird that

she's making dinner for.

708

:

Alex in Alex's kitchen and manages

to poison her in her own kitchen.

709

:

elaines money: Right.

710

:

She like roofies her with Matza ball soup,

which she explains like we aren't gonna

711

:

know what Matza ball soup is, which is

712

:

mabel: I mean, maybe they're thinking

like these people are from Texas and maybe

713

:

they've never met a Jewish person before.

714

:

elaines money: Are there

not Jewish people in Texas?

715

:

glo: I mean, I would say

they're probably not,

716

:

elaines money: a small,

717

:

mabel: would say it's probably not

a majority of the population, hun.

718

:

glo: yeah, it's def

719

:

elaines money: Oh, okay.

720

:

glo: not New York.

721

:

mabel: Right, right.

722

:

Well, and I wonder if the actress at

this point is like, I don't know, I'm

723

:

not gonna say like making it her mission,

but like spreading like awareness through

724

:

glo: Maybe.

725

:

mabel: the things that she's in of like

her Jewish culture and what have you.

726

:

I don't know.

727

:

elaines money: that's a possibility.

728

:

glo: Let's ask Vic, Hey, how many Jewish

people do you see down there in Texas?

729

:

elaines money: Yeah.

730

:

What's the Judaism situation?

731

:

You guys got Lakas, right?

732

:

mabel: I mean, everybody needs lacus

733

:

glo: Mm

734

:

elaines money: Everybody needs lakos, man.

735

:

glo: mm-hmm.

736

:

mabel: Yup.

737

:

elaines money: Maybe that's why everyone's

so cranky and shooting off guns down

738

:

there because they don't have lakas.

739

:

mabel: Could

740

:

glo: Lack of luck.

741

:

'cause

742

:

elaines money: Because lakas

equal endorphins as one L.

743

:

Woods would say.

744

:

mabel: And really sorry.

745

:

elaines money: Oh no, you go ahead.

746

:

mabel: And really Alex should

have eaten the lakas because this

747

:

maza ball soup, hella roofies,

748

:

elaines money: Yeah.

749

:

Hello Ru and the Matza Ball.

750

:

mabel: she gets very woozy,

has to lay down on the couch.

751

:

Um, and then Elaine is just like

out the door, like a gunshot.

752

:

glo: Kisses her forehead and pieces out.

753

:

mabel: Yeah.

754

:

And 'cause the tail had been outside.

755

:

I thought this was the tail

that comes after her, but it

756

:

turns out to be CD Parker.

757

:

elaines money: It came out to be.

758

:

And before though, before when they're

sitting down and um, Alex is still

759

:

upright and eating the roofed, matza

ball soup, uh, Elaine does kind of try

760

:

to play matchmaker a little bit and

then says, uh, Walker looks at Alex

761

:

like a wolf looking at a pork chop,

762

:

mabel: Gross.

763

:

elaines money: which is Yeah.

764

:

Ha.

765

:

mabel: I'm always here to

provide a gross regarding

766

:

elaines money: appreciate

767

:

mabel: any of the romantic

tension between Alex and Walker.

768

:

Gross.

769

:

elaines money: And it's not just,

'cause she's probably in her twenties

770

:

when he's, you know, a million a

771

:

glo: But also way out of his league.

772

:

Like,

773

:

elaines money: way out of his league.

774

:

mabel: Did did his haircut

get worse in this episode?

775

:

By the way?

776

:

glo: I don't

777

:

mabel: I need to, I need to ask this.

778

:

I feel like his haircut got worse

and I think he dies the beard.

779

:

elaines money: Oh, he

absolutely ties that beer, dude.

780

:

For

781

:

mabel: he is a very redheaded

man, and I do believe, it seems

782

:

like the redheaded man that the

beard goes gray faster than this.

783

:

Like, but it's a very

red, still doesn't look

784

:

glo: One thing I was gonna actually

posit to you guys, we all three of

785

:

us have living mothers, um, who, you

know, were, you know, probably in their

786

:

thirties or forties around the time

this came out, twenties, maybe even.

787

:

Um, I would actually like to know,

um, and if you guys will help me with

788

:

this, did women watching the show

find the leading man attractive or,

789

:

mabel: answer for my mother right

now and say she absolutely would

790

:

not have found Walker Texas Ranger

791

:

glo: Okay.

792

:

That's really interesting.

793

:

I'm gonna ask my mom.

794

:

I, I really kind of wanna know.

795

:

mabel: Yeah.

796

:

elaines money: So

797

:

glo: I.

798

:

elaines money: would, has never.

799

:

uh, been into or attracted to

or would watch a show with a

800

:

leading man who was this macho?

801

:

Uh, she does not suffer fools.

802

:

There is simply no way she would

ever find Chuck North attractive.

803

:

And there's simply no way she

would ever watch Walker Texas

804

:

glo: See now my mom definitely

did and, and bought a total gym

805

:

that now resides in my basement.

806

:

Um, so would like watch

the infomercials with him.

807

:

So I, I assume that she would

call him an attractive man.

808

:

Um, but, um, maybe we can even

put this out to our discord.

809

:

If you have a, a older female in your

life who would have been watching

810

:

this show when it aired, could

you just ask them, is Chuck Norris

811

:

or was Chuck Norris attractive?

812

:

I'm just

813

:

mabel: I, I would like

to know, yeah, please.

814

:

Post results.

815

:

I wanna know how it

816

:

glo: Yep.

817

:

elaines money: like to know, um, yes.

818

:

And also my mom was in her, yeah, she

would've been mid twenties when the

819

:

show came out, mid to early twenties, I

820

:

glo: My mom would've been in her thirties,

821

:

elaines money: Yeah.

822

:

glo: like our age, basically.

823

:

mabel: yeah, yeah.

824

:

elaines money: And she, yeah.

825

:

glo: I

826

:

elaines money: I don't know if my

mom watched TV during this time.

827

:

'cause she was in, yeah, she was in

law school and she was working 60

828

:

glo: Jesus.

829

:

mabel: Yeah.

830

:

elaines money: Yeah,

831

:

mabel: we, we never

watched this in my house.

832

:

Like

833

:

elaines money: going to karate actually.

834

:

glo: Whoa.

835

:

elaines money: Yeah,

836

:

glo: She was doing actual karate.

837

:

elaines money: doing actual karate.

838

:

Yes.

839

:

Like, uh, her, um, her instructor,

I think his name was Master U.

840

:

He would, um, he would,

he would stand on them.

841

:

While they did sit ups.

842

:

glo: Good for them?

843

:

mabel: I would die.

844

:

My organs would squish,

they would just squish out.

845

:

elaines money: She had two kids

and still has like ab definition.

846

:

Y'all like

847

:

mabel: know how, I didn't

have that before though, so

848

:

elaines money: Yeah, same.

849

:

glo: No way.

850

:

mabel: yeah, so CD gets Elaine back

and she, uh, does like assume CD knows

851

:

nothing about her food, but he knows

his luck is, and he's getting some luck.

852

:

elaines money: Yeah,

853

:

glo: Yep.

854

:

elaines money: because

again, Lakas are fantastic.

855

:

This is a, well really matza

ball soup is, is fantastic too.

856

:

mabel: Without the

roofies hold the roofies.

857

:

elaines money: hold the roofies.

858

:

Yeah.

859

:

glo: Now, did you guys find it

interesting that he lets Elaine flirt

860

:

with him when the other episode, it was

disgusting to him that Mabel, who is

861

:

about the same age as you know, this,

this actress, uh, was flirting with him.

862

:

So I, I just find that really interesting.

863

:

mabel: I think it's because

Mabel Brooks, none of his shit,

864

:

glo: Okay.

865

:

mabel: Mabel is not afraid

to call him out on stuff.

866

:

But Elaine is putting on her very

polite, submissive like I am a.

867

:

I'm just a granny act.

868

:

And so he's like down with that,

but he's not down with Mabel, like

869

:

being more aggressive, quote unquote.

870

:

glo: I, I,

871

:

elaines money: He wants a strong

lady or not a strong lady.

872

:

He wants one of them, you

know, submissive ladies.

873

:

mabel: the perfect lady.

874

:

Yeah.

875

:

I don't know.

876

:

Uh, but we get trivette now.

877

:

It's Trivette time

878

:

elaines money: Yay.

879

:

mabel: and he's, he's gonna give

us a rundown of Ricky Rickett's

880

:

scams, like, because the audience

needs it explained to us.

881

:

But Walker, Texas, ranger and Alex

already have this figured out, and

882

:

they're not sure why they're in this room.

883

:

elaines money: Yeah.

884

:

Um, they're like, trat has put

together this entire presentation.

885

:

He's even got a fruit box to

show everyone as an example.

886

:

He's really excited and they're

just sassing him the entire time.

887

:

They're just treating him like shit.

888

:

The whole time after this man worked so

hard to put together this presentation,

889

:

mabel: Yeah.

890

:

He got a big map in

891

:

elaines money: I know.

892

:

mabel: everything's mean.

893

:

elaines money: they don't deserve him.

894

:

Um, and then we learn that um,

Alex has had trat help her switch

895

:

trial venues to San Antonio because

maybe Rickett will have a harder

896

:

time getting a judge in his pocket.

897

:

And also people maybe don't know him as

well there, which is a pretty smart move.

898

:

I mean, I think that is

something that I would do

899

:

mabel: I noticed in this episode

that Walker said San Antonio,

900

:

like a normal person this time.

901

:

But in our previous episode, I

think I forgot to hate on it when

902

:

he said San an Antonio, which

I've never heard anyone ever say,

903

:

glo: Yep.

904

:

elaines money: And then CD

said San Antonio this episode,

905

:

mabel: oh, Diddy, well CD's an old,

so maybe olds do different stuff.

906

:

elaines money: maybe.

907

:

Well, so is Walker though.

908

:

mabel: Ah, true, true.

909

:

But he gets a pass this time

'cause he said it in a normal way.

910

:

So thanks finally, God.

911

:

elaines money: only time Chuck

Doris gets a pass on this podcast.

912

:

mabel: the only one.

913

:

elaines money: Um, but yeah, so

Walker goes to get Elaine, who is

914

:

charming, all of the fellas in the

office with her tailor knowledge.

915

:

Um, and she tries to get

him to date Alex in the car

916

:

mabel: Mm-hmm.

917

:

elaines money: and have kids

with her and everything.

918

:

And he says, maybe someday,

919

:

glo: You're 50.

920

:

You're 50.

921

:

elaines money: exactly

922

:

mabel: Well, but if she is

young, it doesn't matter.

923

:

'cause she can do all the work.

924

:

glo: damn,

925

:

elaines money: Well, that like the

older that the men folk get too,

926

:

like the more health risks there are

927

:

mabel: Well, that's true.

928

:

That's true.

929

:

glo: swimmers.

930

:

elaines money: Yeah, the swimmers

and at his gigantic age, those

931

:

swimmers, they need walkers.

932

:

All right.

933

:

Ha ha.

934

:

glo: also says, I'm a lone wolf.

935

:

I like to live alone.

936

:

And I'm like, doesn't

he live with Uncle Ray?

937

:

Am I wrong?

938

:

mabel: Well, this is

939

:

elaines money: I

940

:

mabel: different house.

941

:

This is a totally different

942

:

glo: Okay, you're right.

943

:

mabel: And so I'm like,

where is Uncle Ray?

944

:

I kinda miss

945

:

glo: I do Miss Uncle Ray.

946

:

elaines money: like, I'm kind

of wondering, here's my theory.

947

:

Um, I think maybe there was a

lot of backlash for the half

948

:

Cherokee white guy storyline.

949

:

mabel: maybe,

950

:

elaines money: Um, and the, yeah,

the magical shaman bullshit.

951

:

And maybe there was enough backlash

that they just kind of like

952

:

wrote Uncle Ray out altogether.

953

:

glo: Maybe

954

:

mabel: Yeah.

955

:

I don't

956

:

elaines money: Just pretended

that he didn't exist.

957

:

Kind of like James Bond does with

958

:

glo: That could be somebody's

good, better, best, think about it.

959

:

elaines money: but yeah, and so they

drive up to, I thought it was CD's House

960

:

because it was a different house, but

yeah, it turns out it was Walker's house.

961

:

Um, and then CD and again,

CD uses Walker's Kitchen to

962

:

cook, so I thought it was

963

:

mabel: Yeah.

964

:

Everybody just cooks in

everybody's kitchen, which

965

:

actually kind of sounds magical.

966

:

Can we just all cook in

each other's kitchens?

967

:

elaines money: As long as other people

do the cleanup, that would be great.

968

:

mabel: Sure.

969

:

Yeah.

970

:

Yeah.

971

:

They were trying to get travet

to do the cleanup, but he was

972

:

like, no, I have real work to do.

973

:

I have an actual job, guys.

974

:

elaines money: exactly.

975

:

mabel: But Elaine gives cd some like cole

slaw tips and like, your cole slaw was

976

:

great, but here's how it can be better.

977

:

elaines money: And then I'm kind of

sitting there at that point thinking,

978

:

man, I don't wanna say it like this, but I

hope her and her husband aren't together.

979

:

'cause like I'd be okay with her and

CD like, you know, being a couple, they

980

:

seem like they have a lot of interests.

981

:

mabel: So Walker goes to retire

and Sadie sits on the front porch

982

:

and Elaine is pretending to retire.

983

:

But then she goes and grabs the

keys to the Dodge and uh, tricks

984

:

CD until leaving the porch.

985

:

'cause she's like, oh, I can't sleep.

986

:

I just wanna sit with you.

987

:

But I'd love some hot tea.

988

:

glo: Mm-hmm.

989

:

elaines money: I brought you this blankie.

990

:

mabel: Mm-hmm.

991

:

elaines money: Um, so he's all

like, or I'll go make the tea honey.

992

:

And she's like, oh, that's so nasty.

993

:

And then he goes inside

and she books it to the

994

:

glo: And Ricketts men are just there.

995

:

elaines money: Yeah,

996

:

mabel: goons have found

the new Walker house.

997

:

glo: Yeah.

998

:

elaines money: they've teleported

to the new walker house.

999

:

mabel: You know what's really

funny about this scene though?

:

00:42:34,256 --> 00:42:34,616

Okay.

:

00:42:34,616 --> 00:42:39,356

So of course, because this is Walker's

house, immediately these goons, you

:

00:42:39,356 --> 00:42:43,136

know, she gets some screams out and CD

and Walker come running and whatever.

:

00:42:43,976 --> 00:42:49,826

Uh, but Walker, Texas Ranger did

not like get undressed at all.

:

00:42:49,826 --> 00:42:51,686

He's still wearing everything.

:

00:42:51,686 --> 00:42:55,766

He was gonna go to bed and it would've

been kind of funny to see him, like in his

:

00:42:55,766 --> 00:42:58,166

bathrobe, throwing the kicks or something.

:

00:42:58,736 --> 00:43:01,556

Like, I don't wanna see like

boxers or, no thank you.

:

00:43:01,556 --> 00:43:04,061

But it could have been

pretty funny if he was like.

:

00:43:04,751 --> 00:43:06,136

Halfway dressed for bed.

:

00:43:06,576 --> 00:43:08,556

glo: Oh, Walker's a tidy whitey guy.

:

00:43:08,621 --> 00:43:08,681

elaines money: Yeah.

:

00:43:09,666 --> 00:43:10,196

glo: Come on.

:

00:43:10,211 --> 00:43:10,481

elaines money: He,

:

00:43:11,141 --> 00:43:15,761

glo: There's no way he has boxers on or

he's string following it with nothing.

:

00:43:18,911 --> 00:43:20,111

See, come on.

:

00:43:20,231 --> 00:43:23,321

elaines money: needs support for

his old ram balls, don't they?

:

00:43:23,321 --> 00:43:23,891

Droop.

:

00:43:25,001 --> 00:43:25,301

glo: guys?

:

00:43:25,301 --> 00:43:27,221

He has to get those kicks up really high.

:

00:43:28,211 --> 00:43:30,281

mabel: he does have to

get him up really high.

:

00:43:31,181 --> 00:43:33,191

elaines money: And then,

you know, everything's just

:

00:43:33,191 --> 00:43:35,111

drooping, like, it's like a bra.

:

00:43:35,111 --> 00:43:36,671

You gotta, you gotta have support.

:

00:43:37,961 --> 00:43:39,071

gravity does its work.

:

00:43:39,071 --> 00:43:40,271

mabel: underwire, tidy weight?

:

00:43:41,726 --> 00:43:41,846

glo: Oh,

:

00:43:42,456 --> 00:43:42,676

elaines money: Uh.

:

00:43:42,956 --> 00:43:44,966

glo: he is just always

wearing a jack strap.

:

00:43:44,966 --> 00:43:46,076

Just all the time.

:

00:43:47,136 --> 00:43:47,786

elaines money: Just in case.

:

00:43:47,976 --> 00:43:50,621

It's just him throwing kicks

and nothing but a jock.

:

00:43:50,621 --> 00:43:50,921

Strap

:

00:43:52,776 --> 00:43:53,066

mabel: Stop.

:

00:43:53,616 --> 00:43:53,906

Stop.

:

00:44:01,001 --> 00:44:04,061

elaines money: ass cheeks

just flapping in the breeze.

:

00:44:04,191 --> 00:44:06,041

mabel: you know, he has really hairy ass

:

00:44:06,266 --> 00:44:06,776

glo: Oh,

:

00:44:07,991 --> 00:44:09,071

elaines money: and they're red.

:

00:44:09,251 --> 00:44:10,601

It's either red or gray.

:

00:44:10,601 --> 00:44:11,261

Probably a mixture.

:

00:44:15,176 --> 00:44:18,416

mabel: Anyway, it could have been

funny in a bathrobe at least, right?

:

00:44:18,446 --> 00:44:19,346

Because you could have

:

00:44:19,376 --> 00:44:21,176

elaines money: bathrobe

would've been hilarious.

:

00:44:21,536 --> 00:44:25,076

mabel: it gets all flappy and stuff,

and, and then it could be like

:

00:44:25,076 --> 00:44:29,756

slightly, slightly ajar at the end and

he like rushes to cover himself up.

:

00:44:29,756 --> 00:44:30,686

That would be pretty funny.

:

00:44:31,766 --> 00:44:34,556

elaines money: And he is got

like those cartoon boxers

:

00:44:34,556 --> 00:44:35,726

on, you know, with the little

:

00:44:35,951 --> 00:44:36,371

glo: Mm-hmm.

:

00:44:36,806 --> 00:44:37,646

That would be funny.

:

00:44:38,141 --> 00:44:39,401

mabel: That would be funny.

:

00:44:39,641 --> 00:44:40,031

All right.

:

00:44:40,031 --> 00:44:40,871

We just fixed it.

:

00:44:40,871 --> 00:44:41,441

We fixed it

:

00:44:41,606 --> 00:44:42,566

glo: I'm okay with that.

:

00:44:43,886 --> 00:44:43,946

elaines money: it.

:

00:44:43,946 --> 00:44:46,166

Chuck Norris takes himself

too seriously, though.

:

00:44:46,166 --> 00:44:46,526

Let's be

:

00:44:46,676 --> 00:44:51,326

glo: If, if anybody would like to make

some fan Art of Walker, Texas Ranger in

:

00:44:51,386 --> 00:44:54,866

Valentine's boxers, that would be amazing.

:

00:44:54,866 --> 00:44:55,406

Thank you.

:

00:44:56,111 --> 00:44:56,411

mabel: Yeah.

:

00:44:56,711 --> 00:44:57,911

But also a bathrobe

:

00:44:58,106 --> 00:44:58,346

glo: Yeah.

:

00:44:58,346 --> 00:44:59,336

And a and a bathrobe.

:

00:44:59,336 --> 00:44:59,666

Yes.

:

00:44:59,841 --> 00:45:00,131

elaines money: Yeah.

:

00:45:00,308 --> 00:45:00,848

mabel: Okay.

:

00:45:00,848 --> 00:45:01,208

Yeah.

:

00:45:01,208 --> 00:45:01,718

So

:

00:45:01,828 --> 00:45:02,248

elaines money: anyway,

:

00:45:02,678 --> 00:45:03,848

mabel: these guys don't get it.

:

00:45:03,908 --> 00:45:10,058

They don't, they don't get Elaine and,

uh, Walker and Trivette are kind of

:

00:45:10,058 --> 00:45:13,898

putting it together like, oh, she's

still got something that Ricky wants.

:

00:45:13,898 --> 00:45:16,298

Like, he's not just

afraid of her testimony.

:

00:45:16,298 --> 00:45:18,158

Like, there's something else

:

00:45:18,158 --> 00:45:19,328

elaines money: Like, yeah.

:

00:45:19,688 --> 00:45:23,198

And she runs back into the house while

Walker and everybody's like arresting

:

00:45:23,558 --> 00:45:27,188

everyone and she like peeks out and

she kind of goes, oh, Walker, you're

:

00:45:27,188 --> 00:45:29,288

gonna be a bigger problem than rickets.

:

00:45:29,768 --> 00:45:32,678

And at that point I was kind

of thinking maybe she was the

:

00:45:32,678 --> 00:45:34,868

big cheese, but I was wrong,

:

00:45:35,033 --> 00:45:37,073

mabel: Yeah, I was like,

is she the mastermind?

:

00:45:37,073 --> 00:45:38,903

Because that would be pretty cool too.

:

00:45:38,903 --> 00:45:39,473

Like

:

00:45:41,633 --> 00:45:45,863

Ricky Ricketts is just like the face man

and she's the real brains of everything.

:

00:45:46,283 --> 00:45:47,003

Hell yeah.

:

00:45:49,478 --> 00:45:49,988

elaines money: But yeah.

:

00:45:49,988 --> 00:45:54,218

And then so they're having this

conversation about how things are

:

00:45:54,218 --> 00:45:57,188

hinky and it's weird that he's

letting her live and clearly he wants

:

00:45:57,188 --> 00:45:59,288

something out of her, as Laura said.

:

00:45:59,768 --> 00:46:04,808

Um, and then they see Ricky Ricketts

across the parking lot, walk over

:

00:46:04,808 --> 00:46:11,408

to him, and Walker immediately

just assaults his driver, just like

:

00:46:12,638 --> 00:46:15,668

cracks his wrist and holds him there.

:

00:46:15,728 --> 00:46:21,968

And the lawyer of Ricky Ricketts is

like, Hey man, you can't do that.

:

00:46:21,998 --> 00:46:23,468

Rightfully so.

:

00:46:23,828 --> 00:46:30,668

And Walker responds with, this is not

a courthouse, this is a parking lot.

:

00:46:31,058 --> 00:46:32,678

There are no rules.

:

00:46:32,738 --> 00:46:34,988

So you heard it here first.

:

00:46:36,108 --> 00:46:36,328

glo: Uh,

:

00:46:36,668 --> 00:46:40,448

mabel: the rule of law is everywhere

except the parking lot folks.

:

00:46:40,448 --> 00:46:40,928

elaines money: Yes.

:

00:46:41,588 --> 00:46:43,718

No, no doubt you can't.

:

00:46:43,958 --> 00:46:47,468

There are no rules in any

San Antonio parking lot.

:

00:46:47,678 --> 00:46:50,858

Tell Vic he can dangle his

feet in the parking lot

:

00:46:51,188 --> 00:46:52,648

glo: and San Antone.

:

00:46:52,864 --> 00:46:53,254

elaines money: San

:

00:46:53,329 --> 00:46:56,359

mabel: I think we're still in Dallas

at this point, but it doesn't matter.

:

00:46:56,689 --> 00:46:57,559

It's whatever.

:

00:46:57,619 --> 00:46:59,059

Yeah, in Texas.

:

00:46:59,569 --> 00:47:00,409

Parking lots.

:

00:47:00,889 --> 00:47:04,219

glo: oh, right, because we haven't

gotten the, the goodbye kiss yet.

:

00:47:04,356 --> 00:47:04,926

mabel: Yeah,

:

00:47:05,121 --> 00:47:05,871

elaines money: Oh shit.

:

00:47:05,871 --> 00:47:08,391

The goodbye kiss was fire.

:

00:47:08,961 --> 00:47:10,221

Um, yes.

:

00:47:10,896 --> 00:47:11,556

mabel: I love it.

:

00:47:11,556 --> 00:47:16,206

So she gets cd, like she's buttering up

to cd 'cause she's found out like, oh,

:

00:47:16,206 --> 00:47:18,036

they're gonna take me down to San Antonio.

:

00:47:18,036 --> 00:47:19,176

I don't wanna go.

:

00:47:19,746 --> 00:47:23,616

And he's like, Sadie's like, don't worry,

Walker's gonna be on the plane with

:

00:47:23,616 --> 00:47:25,566

you and he's gonna be there whole time.

:

00:47:25,566 --> 00:47:26,376

It's gonna be fine.

:

00:47:27,006 --> 00:47:30,036

And she's just like, oh, I'd

rather go with you, Sadie.

:

00:47:30,036 --> 00:47:38,376

And so she gets a goodbye kiss and

she like full on, makes out with him.

:

00:47:38,376 --> 00:47:40,656

He's doing the like flay arms,

:

00:47:40,686 --> 00:47:41,136

glo: Mm-hmm.

:

00:47:41,526 --> 00:47:47,676

mabel: like he can't even control

this, this kiss and this woman.

:

00:47:47,706 --> 00:47:48,246

And.

:

00:47:48,876 --> 00:47:50,076

It's very funny

:

00:47:51,036 --> 00:47:53,166

elaines money: It's very funny,

but like after it, like she

:

00:47:53,166 --> 00:47:54,696

totally knocked his socks off.

:

00:47:54,696 --> 00:47:56,076

Like he can't even talk.

:

00:47:56,076 --> 00:47:58,446

He's just like, sh woo.

:

00:47:59,191 --> 00:47:59,481

Like,

:

00:48:02,166 --> 00:48:04,471

mabel: and Walker Texas Rangers

in the background, like, whoa,

:

00:48:06,096 --> 00:48:07,836

elaines money: why is she

not making out with me?

:

00:48:08,466 --> 00:48:11,046

I am the one who is the star of the show.

:

00:48:11,106 --> 00:48:12,216

I sing,

:

00:48:13,231 --> 00:48:13,451

glo: Yep.

:

00:48:15,066 --> 00:48:15,636

elaines money: what does he do?

:

00:48:15,636 --> 00:48:19,506

Make chili and no vodkas,

and eat hot chip and lie.

:

00:48:26,001 --> 00:48:30,381

Um, but then they get to the airport

and Elena's all like, I go, go

:

00:48:30,381 --> 00:48:37,071

potty and, uh, basically talks a

lady in the bathroom out of her hat

:

00:48:37,071 --> 00:48:41,691

and jacket and then sneaks away.

:

00:48:42,321 --> 00:48:49,161

Um, but Walker catches her before she

gets into a taxi and cool shirt guy or

:

00:48:49,161 --> 00:48:55,731

the tail, or a cool hat guy is, uh, has

followed them out and is eating a donut.

:

00:48:55,851 --> 00:48:57,891

Kind of slowly, but also slowly.

:

00:48:57,891 --> 00:49:00,321

I was very confused by

the eating of this donut.

:

00:49:01,926 --> 00:49:05,856

glo: But now, now she is had

enough of a diversion where

:

00:49:05,856 --> 00:49:07,986

they cannot make the flight.

:

00:49:07,986 --> 00:49:10,751

So now Walker has to drive a lane.

:

00:49:11,376 --> 00:49:11,586

To

:

00:49:11,841 --> 00:49:14,601

mabel: Hey, remember airports that

you could just like walk into?

:

00:49:14,646 --> 00:49:14,916

glo: Whew.

:

00:49:16,041 --> 00:49:16,551

mabel: Wow,

:

00:49:18,651 --> 00:49:19,521

what a thing.

:

00:49:21,231 --> 00:49:22,791

There's like no security.

:

00:49:22,791 --> 00:49:24,681

They just go, wow.

:

00:49:26,091 --> 00:49:26,331

Wow.

:

00:49:26,391 --> 00:49:27,471

What a, what a time.

:

00:49:27,561 --> 00:49:28,786

What a world, what?

:

00:49:30,096 --> 00:49:31,596

elaines money: I still

think that's made up.

:

00:49:32,091 --> 00:49:32,911

He can't tell.

:

00:49:35,556 --> 00:49:37,506

Um, but yeah.

:

00:49:37,596 --> 00:49:44,586

And so, uh, anyway, at this point, fair

had walked into the room and Rickett

:

00:49:44,586 --> 00:49:49,986

Goon sees Walker and Elaine talk about

how they're gonna drive to San Ter.

:

00:49:51,066 --> 00:49:54,036

And uh, he gets on the phone with

Rickett and then Rickett comes on the

:

00:49:54,036 --> 00:49:56,106

screen and Shafer goes, I know him.

:

00:49:57,036 --> 00:49:57,066

glo: Oh,

:

00:49:57,456 --> 00:49:59,136

elaines money: And I'm like, oh.

:

00:49:59,286 --> 00:50:00,606

And he's like, yeah.

:

00:50:00,606 --> 00:50:03,996

And I'm like, oh, but picture him older.

:

00:50:03,996 --> 00:50:05,526

And he was like, yes.

:

00:50:05,976 --> 00:50:10,716

He was in Mulholland Drive

and he was in Twin Peaks and

:

00:50:10,716 --> 00:50:12,696

we're both David Lynch nerds.

:

00:50:13,056 --> 00:50:15,186

So we were aware.

:

00:50:15,486 --> 00:50:15,786

Yeah.

:

00:50:15,831 --> 00:50:16,131

glo: Neat.

:

00:50:16,866 --> 00:50:17,226

mabel: cool.

:

00:50:17,976 --> 00:50:22,446

elaines money: Um, but anyway, so,

and his name is Robert Forrester.

:

00:50:23,046 --> 00:50:30,306

Um, but yeah, so, um, Walker

doesn't tell Trat at all that this

:

00:50:30,306 --> 00:50:33,396

is their change of plans, even

though he has a car phone and could

:

00:50:33,516 --> 00:50:34,416

mabel: Yeah, clearly.

:

00:50:34,536 --> 00:50:35,046

elaines money: just waiting.

:

00:50:35,136 --> 00:50:35,496

Yeah.

:

00:50:37,206 --> 00:50:40,836

Uh, and I kind of don't like that

he doesn't take Ette seriously

:

00:50:40,866 --> 00:50:42,276

because he is his partner.

:

00:50:42,306 --> 00:50:44,976

He's not somebody he can

just fridge anytime he wants.

:

00:50:45,006 --> 00:50:45,366

mabel: Right.

:

00:50:45,486 --> 00:50:48,366

He's waiting at the airport

for literally no reason.

:

00:50:48,426 --> 00:50:53,466

Like he could be at the courthouse,

he could be like doing stuff,

:

00:50:54,186 --> 00:50:54,726

elaines money: Yeah.

:

00:50:54,846 --> 00:50:59,076

mabel: is got dudes there with him, like

those dudes could be doing other stuff.

:

00:50:59,526 --> 00:51:03,636

elaines money: there's a lot of allocation

of resources that walker's just kind

:

00:51:03,636 --> 00:51:09,006

of like shirking by not telling anyone,

you know, Hey, this was our change of

:

00:51:09,036 --> 00:51:10,986

glo: Waste, fraud and abuse, guys.

:

00:51:12,061 --> 00:51:12,351

mabel: Yeah.

:

00:51:12,576 --> 00:51:12,996

glo: Hmm.

:

00:51:13,431 --> 00:51:15,081

elaines money: The Walker,

Texas Ranger story.

:

00:51:15,531 --> 00:51:21,291

Um, but yeah, and so Elaine is in

the car with Walker and they're

:

00:51:21,291 --> 00:51:23,301

about an hour away from San Antonio.

:

00:51:23,301 --> 00:51:26,031

'cause vet calls him like the fuck dude.

:

00:51:26,631 --> 00:51:31,671

And um, Elaine's like, I got pee

and Walker's like, no you don't.

:

00:51:31,821 --> 00:51:34,461

And she's like, no, I

really got penis time.

:

00:51:35,691 --> 00:51:42,831

And so, um, he takes her to a little

gas station and she goes to the

:

00:51:42,831 --> 00:51:44,271

bathroom and she's all like, trust

:

00:51:44,571 --> 00:51:47,391

mabel: She definitely really went to

the bathroom this time though, right?

:

00:51:47,391 --> 00:51:47,811

Like

:

00:51:48,801 --> 00:51:49,071

elaines money: To,

:

00:51:49,101 --> 00:51:51,321

mabel: an old lady, like she

went to the bathroom and then

:

00:51:51,321 --> 00:51:53,181

she did the, the escapees.

:

00:51:53,331 --> 00:51:53,571

Yeah,

:

00:51:54,596 --> 00:51:54,996

elaines money: probably right?

:

00:51:55,856 --> 00:51:57,951

I mean, there's only so long

you can go without peeing.

:

00:51:58,071 --> 00:51:58,401

mabel: yeah.

:

00:51:58,461 --> 00:51:59,721

Like I couldn't do this.

:

00:52:00,681 --> 00:52:01,821

elaines money: I couldn't either.

:

00:52:03,951 --> 00:52:07,251

I'm diabetic though,

so I pee all the time.

:

00:52:07,341 --> 00:52:08,571

Always be peeing.

:

00:52:09,741 --> 00:52:16,761

Um, but yeah, so she hops out of

the window and walker's right there.

:

00:52:17,631 --> 00:52:20,721

Um, and she screams.

:

00:52:21,291 --> 00:52:22,761

mabel: it's a good scream.

:

00:52:23,061 --> 00:52:24,051

elaines money: It's a, yeah,

:

00:52:24,081 --> 00:52:25,461

mabel: She did a good scream.

:

00:52:25,911 --> 00:52:26,361

elaines money: yeah.

:

00:52:26,421 --> 00:52:27,531

It's a scream queen

:

00:52:27,681 --> 00:52:28,911

mabel: is a professional.

:

00:52:29,271 --> 00:52:30,531

elaines money: She is.

:

00:52:30,711 --> 00:52:33,411

glo: is such a caper now

that I wrote in my notes.

:

00:52:33,411 --> 00:52:34,971

This episode is delightful.

:

00:52:34,971 --> 00:52:37,371

It's just, it's just fun, you know?

:

00:52:38,451 --> 00:52:43,161

mabel: I kind of like to see

Walker get like some comeuppance

:

00:52:43,161 --> 00:52:45,111

from this little older lady, like

:

00:52:45,291 --> 00:52:45,951

glo: very fun.

:

00:52:46,611 --> 00:52:48,411

mabel: outsmarting him a few times.

:

00:52:48,411 --> 00:52:49,161

It's pretty fun.

:

00:52:49,161 --> 00:52:49,611

Yeah,

:

00:52:49,881 --> 00:52:50,781

elaines money: It's fun.

:

00:52:50,991 --> 00:52:51,441

Yeah.

:

00:52:51,471 --> 00:52:54,951

Also, I feel like this episode

had more Elaine and a little

:

00:52:54,951 --> 00:52:57,681

less walker doing his own thing.

:

00:52:57,681 --> 00:53:00,261

And again, I just feel like

this show would be better

:

00:53:00,261 --> 00:53:01,821

without Walker, Texas Ranger.

:

00:53:02,216 --> 00:53:02,436

glo: Yep.

:

00:53:02,931 --> 00:53:03,831

mabel: yeah, yeah.

:

00:53:04,191 --> 00:53:09,741

So as the, as he's catching her,

we get drive by Gooning and,

:

00:53:11,876 --> 00:53:12,096

glo: Yes.

:

00:53:12,246 --> 00:53:13,076

elaines money: can't say that.

:

00:53:14,271 --> 00:53:18,261

mabel: and the goons like sort of.

:

00:53:18,816 --> 00:53:20,196

You know, get, get some of them.

:

00:53:20,196 --> 00:53:22,926

Walker gets two of the

goons, not the third.

:

00:53:23,886 --> 00:53:24,546

And

:

00:53:24,861 --> 00:53:25,101

elaines money: so we're clear.

:

00:53:25,101 --> 00:53:28,641

She's talking about

henchmen drive by Hench

:

00:53:28,641 --> 00:53:32,871

glo: is the millennial understanding

of Gooning, not the Gen Z.

:

00:53:33,261 --> 00:53:33,771

Yes.

:

00:53:35,046 --> 00:53:38,196

mabel: I use it on purpose

'cause I think it's funny

:

00:53:38,541 --> 00:53:39,741

elaines money: it's very funny.

:

00:53:42,066 --> 00:53:48,426

mabel: and uh, Elaine in the chaos

steals like a delivery truck and we

:

00:53:48,426 --> 00:53:50,796

see the tail take off after her truck.

:

00:53:51,426 --> 00:53:54,936

Uh, she does this cute thing where

she's like, breaker, breaker,

:

00:53:55,046 --> 00:53:55,846

elaines money: I loved that.

:

00:53:56,286 --> 00:53:57,816

mabel: where are all the cops at?

:

00:53:57,816 --> 00:54:01,866

You know, and gets somebody on

the horn telling her, don't worry,

:

00:54:01,866 --> 00:54:04,416

you're clear up till wherever.

:

00:54:05,391 --> 00:54:06,741

elaines money: It's so cute.

:

00:54:06,996 --> 00:54:07,386

mabel: Yeah.

:

00:54:07,806 --> 00:54:09,306

I was like, go girl.

:

00:54:09,981 --> 00:54:12,501

elaines money: I know she used

all the like trucker s slang

:

00:54:12,501 --> 00:54:14,661

and stuff too, like it was bomb.

:

00:54:15,621 --> 00:54:17,361

Um, but yeah.

:

00:54:17,541 --> 00:54:22,341

And so then Walker calls Yvette to

see if he's come across anything

:

00:54:22,341 --> 00:54:24,351

about Elaine and he says no.

:

00:54:24,351 --> 00:54:27,861

But her husband Irving was

arrested the week prior for

:

00:54:27,861 --> 00:54:30,111

passing bad checks in Kansas City,

:

00:54:31,191 --> 00:54:31,976

mabel: The dead one.

:

00:54:32,031 --> 00:54:32,901

elaines money: wild.

:

00:54:32,931 --> 00:54:33,201

Yeah.

:

00:54:33,921 --> 00:54:35,691

'cause how is he dead?

:

00:54:36,741 --> 00:54:40,041

But also cashing bad checks?

:

00:54:40,716 --> 00:54:40,936

mabel: Ah.

:

00:54:41,271 --> 00:54:42,561

elaines money: Is he Jesus?

:

00:54:42,951 --> 00:54:43,971

Is he fraud?

:

00:54:43,971 --> 00:54:44,841

Jesus.

:

00:54:48,381 --> 00:54:52,131

Um, he has risen and also.

:

00:54:52,821 --> 00:54:53,601

Committed fraud.

:

00:54:54,111 --> 00:55:02,841

Um, but yeah, so then we cut to a lane

at Irving's grave, which turns out to

:

00:55:02,841 --> 00:55:04,581

be a spot where she's hiding a ton of

:

00:55:04,836 --> 00:55:10,236

glo: So, second time that we

have seen something stashed at a

:

00:55:10,236 --> 00:55:15,876

gravestone, uh, in this podcast,

because, do you guys remember, do you

:

00:55:15,876 --> 00:55:18,936

remember, um, on Airwolf where they,

:

00:55:19,356 --> 00:55:20,256

mabel: do

:

00:55:20,496 --> 00:55:21,726

glo: the drugs or whatever.

:

00:55:22,671 --> 00:55:26,841

Yeah, on that island where it

was like, definitely in Canada,

:

00:55:26,841 --> 00:55:29,871

but definitely they were trying

to make it look like California.

:

00:55:31,581 --> 00:55:32,301

elaines money: Yup.

:

00:55:32,541 --> 00:55:32,891

mabel: Uhhuh.

:

00:55:33,021 --> 00:55:33,891

elaines money: Oh yeah, I do.

:

00:55:34,731 --> 00:55:39,771

I wanna point out that that show

aired in like 85 and they handled

:

00:55:39,831 --> 00:55:46,251

their Native American storyline

significantly better than Uncle Ray was

:

00:55:46,431 --> 00:55:50,391

ever like, with way more respect than

Uncle Ray was ever given in the show.

:

00:55:50,736 --> 00:55:51,876

mabel: that we've seen for sure.

:

00:55:51,876 --> 00:55:53,046

I'll, I'll give them some credit.

:

00:55:53,046 --> 00:55:57,066

Maybe there's somewhere in here that gets

better that we don't know about, but yeah,

:

00:55:57,416 --> 00:55:57,766

elaines money: maybe.

:

00:55:58,736 --> 00:55:59,086

Maybe.

:

00:55:59,676 --> 00:56:01,626

mabel: it seems, seems unlikely.

:

00:56:02,781 --> 00:56:03,591

elaines money: Yeah.

:

00:56:04,281 --> 00:56:08,091

But yeah, so, um, it's a hiding

spot for like a shit ton of money.

:

00:56:08,721 --> 00:56:16,641

And uh, cool shirt guy then rolls up

and um, his name is Larry and he's not

:

00:56:16,641 --> 00:56:19,221

her husband and he's not her protector.

:

00:56:19,521 --> 00:56:22,191

He is in fact Rickett's accountant.

:

00:56:22,551 --> 00:56:25,581

And he was aware that Elaine

was skimming off the top.

:

00:56:26,411 --> 00:56:26,701

mabel: yeah,

:

00:56:26,871 --> 00:56:27,801

glo: he wants his cut.

:

00:56:28,941 --> 00:56:31,101

elaines money: Yeah, daddy wants his cut.

:

00:56:31,971 --> 00:56:38,391

Um, and instead of giving daddy his

cut, Elaine just throws the best

:

00:56:38,391 --> 00:56:40,551

right hook and knocks this man out.

:

00:56:40,746 --> 00:56:41,406

mabel: yeah.

:

00:56:42,321 --> 00:56:43,581

elaines money: We love Elaine.

:

00:56:44,271 --> 00:56:44,571

Yes, I.

:

00:56:46,026 --> 00:56:50,046

Um, and then she's all

like, ha ha ha, and thinks.

:

00:56:50,106 --> 00:56:50,946

mabel: Dolly, where

:

00:56:51,186 --> 00:56:51,396

elaines money: I know.

:

00:56:51,726 --> 00:56:51,906

mabel: the cage,

:

00:56:53,916 --> 00:56:54,276

like

:

00:56:54,411 --> 00:56:54,911

elaines money: so good.

:

00:56:54,966 --> 00:56:55,641

mabel: picture a

:

00:56:55,716 --> 00:56:57,066

elaines money: tall as her,

:

00:56:57,276 --> 00:57:02,226

mabel: Ray Romano's mom with a giant

dolly that has just one box of cash

:

00:57:02,226 --> 00:57:08,646

at the bottom, scuttling as fast as

she can in her little, little sixties,

:

00:57:08,646 --> 00:57:11,316

lady flats, you know, nice flats.

:

00:57:11,376 --> 00:57:17,196

Back to the the car, the truck that

she stole, and then boom, Walker,

:

00:57:17,196 --> 00:57:18,996

Texas Rangers sitting there waiting.

:

00:57:19,176 --> 00:57:19,626

Damnit.

:

00:57:19,686 --> 00:57:19,926

elaines money: Yeah.

:

00:57:21,816 --> 00:57:27,546

Um, and he's all like, why did

you tell us your husband was dead?

:

00:57:27,786 --> 00:57:31,926

And she, uh, and it turns out that

they were going to leave for Florida.

:

00:57:32,316 --> 00:57:37,116

Uh, but four years ago, her

and Irving and, um, Irving

:

00:57:38,346 --> 00:57:39,906

left her for another woman.

:

00:57:39,956 --> 00:57:40,376

glo: Mm-hmm.

:

00:57:40,926 --> 00:57:45,126

elaines money: At this point I will be

putting in a drop from, he had it come in.

:

00:57:45,126 --> 00:57:47,226

'cause I believe one of

those husband's names was

:

00:57:47,391 --> 00:57:48,501

glo: You are correct.

:

00:57:49,326 --> 00:57:49,806

elaines money: yes.

:

00:57:51,246 --> 00:57:58,296

Um, and uh, yeah, so, and she told

everyone he was dead because it's

:

00:57:58,296 --> 00:58:04,476

less embarrassing for her, um,

that way, which is, you know, fair.

:

00:58:04,506 --> 00:58:08,256

'cause he is in a way dead

'cause he's dead to her.

:

00:58:08,781 --> 00:58:09,201

mabel: Yep.

:

00:58:10,116 --> 00:58:15,246

elaines money: Uh, but yeah, so Walker

grabs her and takes her to court 'cause

:

00:58:15,696 --> 00:58:19,476

this has all been happening in like

the space of a couple of hours I guess.

:

00:58:19,476 --> 00:58:23,196

'cause they're all still waiting for

them in the courtroom, which is my

:

00:58:23,301 --> 00:58:23,601

mabel: tick.

:

00:58:23,901 --> 00:58:25,401

It's almost five.

:

00:58:25,401 --> 00:58:30,201

We need to go home and see our families

and children and we're still waiting

:

00:58:30,201 --> 00:58:32,301

on this walker, Texas dip shit.

:

00:58:32,301 --> 00:58:32,841

Like

:

00:58:34,056 --> 00:58:36,816

elaines money: Walker Texas Dip

Shit is the name of the episode.

:

00:58:37,146 --> 00:58:37,656

That's it.

:

00:58:37,776 --> 00:58:39,276

That's calling it right now.

:

00:58:39,741 --> 00:58:42,021

glo: Laura, you're on

fire tonight, by the way.

:

00:58:42,396 --> 00:58:43,626

elaines money: You really are.

:

00:58:43,746 --> 00:58:44,616

You are on.

:

00:58:45,111 --> 00:58:47,601

mabel: I need a ice cream

rose combo every time.

:

00:58:47,601 --> 00:58:47,991

I think.

:

00:58:47,991 --> 00:58:48,501

Yeah.

:

00:58:48,906 --> 00:58:49,356

elaines money: Yes.

:

00:58:49,356 --> 00:58:51,966

Everyone needs ice

cream rose at all times.

:

00:58:51,966 --> 00:58:52,491

That's great.

:

00:58:53,556 --> 00:58:55,746

Um, but yeah.

:

00:58:55,746 --> 00:58:59,376

And so the judge was like, you have,

you have till five to produce this

:

00:58:59,376 --> 00:59:01,176

witness to the, to the prosecutor.

:

00:59:01,986 --> 00:59:11,616

And um, so Walker grabs a lane and takes

her to San an Antonio via helicopter.

:

00:59:13,026 --> 00:59:17,796

They land, they get to the courtroom right

as the judge is about to pound his gavel.

:

00:59:17,826 --> 00:59:21,396

'cause if, if this show is

nothing, it is dramatic.

:

00:59:22,086 --> 00:59:22,596

Um.

:

00:59:24,636 --> 00:59:32,916

And then, uh, rickets sees her and

books it out the door and Chuck Norris

:

00:59:35,436 --> 00:59:37,206

jumps on top a limo,

:

00:59:37,701 --> 00:59:37,921

mabel: uh.

:

00:59:38,646 --> 00:59:38,976

glo: Yep.

:

00:59:39,816 --> 00:59:41,556

elaines money: which

causes it to crash somehow.

:

00:59:42,096 --> 00:59:47,676

And, uh, then he, you know,

catches ricket after a foot

:

00:59:47,676 --> 00:59:49,806

chase and some karate because of

:

00:59:49,956 --> 00:59:50,496

glo: After.

:

00:59:50,556 --> 00:59:51,876

mabel: Fist fight in a market.

:

00:59:52,126 --> 00:59:56,616

glo: After small businesses are just

demolished and there is a pinata fight.

:

00:59:57,726 --> 00:59:58,691

elaines money: there's a pinata fight.

:

00:59:59,471 --> 01:00:07,506

Um, and then a slow mo roundhouse

kick to the chest into a fountain.

:

01:00:09,246 --> 01:00:13,986

Um, and we end in CD's bar

where Walker can't even lose it.

:

01:00:13,986 --> 01:00:14,526

Pool.

:

01:00:15,396 --> 01:00:19,686

And, uh, then we see Elaine.

:

01:00:20,631 --> 01:00:28,581

Has sold the rights to her story

so that it can be made into a movie

:

01:00:29,091 --> 01:00:33,681

called The Big Bingo Bamboozle.

:

01:00:34,431 --> 01:00:35,421

mabel: Yeah.

:

01:00:35,511 --> 01:00:38,091

So there, there's the

title of the episode.

:

01:00:38,091 --> 01:00:39,951

We're gonna hit it in the last moment.

:

01:00:40,191 --> 01:00:40,881

Brilliant.

:

01:00:41,871 --> 01:00:45,741

elaines money: I'm gonna drop in

cinema sins, rural credits right here.

:

01:00:46,431 --> 01:00:52,191

Um, and then Elaine is being interviewed

on this talk show and, uh, says

:

01:00:52,191 --> 01:00:54,981

that both CD and Walker want her

:

01:00:55,116 --> 01:00:55,626

glo: Yep.

:

01:00:55,626 --> 01:00:57,636

Mm-hmm.

:

01:00:58,266 --> 01:00:58,626

Yep.

:

01:00:59,601 --> 01:01:03,801

elaines money: Um, and she's

saving those details for her book.

:

01:01:04,131 --> 01:01:06,291

And I'm kind of mad

this book doesn't exist.

:

01:01:07,851 --> 01:01:09,141

mabel: Yeah, I do.

:

01:01:09,426 --> 01:01:10,656

glo: book club for sure.

:

01:01:11,541 --> 01:01:11,841

elaines money: Oh my

:

01:01:11,841 --> 01:01:13,311

mabel: I love how they're doing.

:

01:01:13,311 --> 01:01:18,141

Like she says something on TV and then

Walker and CD Go movie, and then she

:

01:01:18,141 --> 01:01:20,391

says something else and then Go book.

:

01:01:20,631 --> 01:01:23,271

I was like, yeah, this is good.

:

01:01:23,271 --> 01:01:24,711

This is, this is the writing.

:

01:01:24,711 --> 01:01:25,581

I came here for.

:

01:01:25,656 --> 01:01:25,926

glo: Yep.

:

01:01:26,061 --> 01:01:26,631

elaines money: I know.

:

01:01:27,981 --> 01:01:32,481

And she says, yeah, I have

two rangers, uh, all about me.

:

01:01:32,481 --> 01:01:33,706

And they're both like, what?

:

01:01:34,911 --> 01:01:35,661

Like cd.

:

01:01:35,661 --> 01:01:37,791

We saw you fanning yourself with your hat.

:

01:01:37,881 --> 01:01:39,021

Don't even

:

01:01:39,306 --> 01:01:39,696

mabel: yeah.

:

01:01:39,726 --> 01:01:39,966

Yeah.

:

01:01:39,966 --> 01:01:43,746

She's taken a little creative license

with the whole Walker thing, but,

:

01:01:43,776 --> 01:01:46,176

uh, CD was hook, line and sinker.

:

01:01:46,176 --> 01:01:47,376

He was sold, buddy.

:

01:01:47,931 --> 01:01:48,381

elaines money: Yeah.

:

01:01:48,741 --> 01:01:51,561

Seedy be so fucking for

real right now, dude.

:

01:01:51,771 --> 01:01:56,181

Like you wanted her, we saw

:

01:01:56,376 --> 01:01:57,006

mabel: we did.

:

01:01:59,736 --> 01:02:00,486

Okay.

:

01:02:00,486 --> 01:02:00,751

We did it.

:

01:02:01,026 --> 01:02:01,926

glo: we did it.

:

01:02:04,116 --> 01:02:05,736

You guys wanna play a little game with me

:

01:02:06,741 --> 01:02:07,251

elaines money: Sure.

:

01:02:07,416 --> 01:02:07,656

glo: called?

:

01:02:07,656 --> 01:02:08,496

Good, better, best.

:

01:02:09,261 --> 01:02:09,471

elaines money: Yeah.

:

01:02:09,471 --> 01:02:10,431

I think we could play that.

:

01:02:10,656 --> 01:02:12,036

glo: Laura gets to start this time.

:

01:02:12,816 --> 01:02:13,716

mabel: Oh, no.

:

01:02:13,806 --> 01:02:14,076

glo: do.

:

01:02:14,346 --> 01:02:14,526

It'll

:

01:02:14,916 --> 01:02:15,906

mabel: Didn't I start last time?

:

01:02:16,056 --> 01:02:16,176

glo: you?

:

01:02:16,206 --> 01:02:16,536

Did you?

:

01:02:16,761 --> 01:02:17,991

elaines money: She, she did?

:

01:02:18,051 --> 01:02:18,441

Yeah.

:

01:02:18,516 --> 01:02:18,996

glo: this time.

:

01:02:20,451 --> 01:02:20,781

elaines money: Okay.

:

01:02:21,351 --> 01:02:28,131

Wouldn't it be good if they finally

realized that their racist tap

:

01:02:28,131 --> 01:02:34,671

Cherokee storyline was bullshit and

they kind of just stopped doing it?

:

01:02:36,951 --> 01:02:37,431

That's it.

:

01:02:37,431 --> 01:02:38,301

That's, that's that.

:

01:02:38,301 --> 01:02:38,961

Wouldn't that be good?

:

01:02:40,431 --> 01:02:45,111

glo: Okay, so I, it'll be a little

pause 'cause I have to write it down.

:

01:02:46,221 --> 01:02:46,761

elaines money: Oh, shit.

:

01:02:47,241 --> 01:02:48,366

mabel: Who's the better on this

:

01:02:48,381 --> 01:02:49,371

glo: That would be me.

:

01:02:49,701 --> 01:02:53,871

So wouldn't it be good

or wouldn't it be better?

:

01:02:53,901 --> 01:02:58,521

So it was very good that there

was a racist storyline that was

:

01:02:58,521 --> 01:03:00,921

stopped because it was racist.

:

01:03:00,921 --> 01:03:05,991

But wouldn't it be better if we

looked into it and we actually saw

:

01:03:05,991 --> 01:03:13,551

that there were indeed protests of

the show by First Nations protestors.

:

01:03:15,726 --> 01:03:16,146

elaines money: Mm-hmm.

:

01:03:16,236 --> 01:03:17,016

mabel: that would be better.

:

01:03:17,736 --> 01:03:23,406

But wouldn't it be best if we actually

had like a reckoning where Walker,

:

01:03:23,406 --> 01:03:31,116

Texas Ranger has to go to a nation

and meets like his own counterpart

:

01:03:31,116 --> 01:03:35,976

at their law enforcement and realizes

that person is way cooler than him?

:

01:03:37,616 --> 01:03:37,836

elaines money: Yes,

:

01:03:37,911 --> 01:03:39,231

glo: I love that.

:

01:03:39,886 --> 01:03:40,726

elaines money: I would love that.

:

01:03:40,851 --> 01:03:41,091

mabel: Yeah.

:

01:03:41,276 --> 01:03:41,566

elaines money: Okay.

:

01:03:44,301 --> 01:03:45,561

glo: Okay, cool.

:

01:03:46,101 --> 01:03:51,591

Um, so next will be Laura Beth Glow.

:

01:03:53,011 --> 01:03:53,301

mabel: Okay.

:

01:03:55,446 --> 01:04:02,016

Wouldn't it be good if at some point

on this show we get Walker, Texas

:

01:04:02,016 --> 01:04:06,546

Ranger has to go to New York City?

:

01:04:09,726 --> 01:04:11,196

you got the reference on

:

01:04:11,306 --> 01:04:11,526

glo: No.

:

01:04:11,586 --> 01:04:14,526

mabel: Can you drop it in

there too, like afterwards?

:

01:04:14,556 --> 01:04:14,916

Okay.

:

01:04:19,746 --> 01:04:22,266

glo: Okay, so we're

going to New York City.

:

01:04:22,476 --> 01:04:22,956

All right.

:

01:04:23,151 --> 01:04:23,811

elaines money: Okay.

:

01:04:24,531 --> 01:04:26,511

Uh, that's good.

:

01:04:26,781 --> 01:04:32,301

But wouldn't it be better if

Walker somehow got roped into

:

01:04:32,811 --> 01:04:39,201

being the naked roped, uh, being

the naked cowboy in Times Square?

:

01:04:40,315 --> 01:04:40,795

glo: Okay.

:

01:04:41,835 --> 01:04:42,125

mabel: Yeah.

:

01:04:43,045 --> 01:04:50,245

glo: So it would be good if there was

a NYC episode and much better if Walker

:

01:04:50,245 --> 01:04:52,945

was roped into being the naked cowboy.

:

01:04:53,785 --> 01:05:02,245

But wouldn't it be best if Trave

was actually the one who was roped

:

01:05:02,245 --> 01:05:04,015

into being the naked cowboy and

:

01:05:04,295 --> 01:05:04,875

mabel: Um, yes.

:

01:05:04,975 --> 01:05:06,175

glo: rules at it?

:

01:05:07,600 --> 01:05:09,310

mabel: Yeah, no, that would be the best.

:

01:05:09,310 --> 01:05:09,940

You're right.

:

01:05:10,525 --> 01:05:11,635

elaines money: That'd be great.

:

01:05:11,755 --> 01:05:12,654

I'd love that.

:

01:05:13,540 --> 01:05:16,210

mabel: Also Travet is very

at home in New York City.

:

01:05:16,450 --> 01:05:16,900

Like

:

01:05:16,945 --> 01:05:17,395

elaines money: Yeah.

:

01:05:17,590 --> 01:05:19,000

mabel: he's so cool about it.

:

01:05:19,495 --> 01:05:20,275

glo: totally.

:

01:05:20,740 --> 01:05:24,820

mabel: Like Walker, Texas Ranger is

doing his fish out of water business.

:

01:05:24,820 --> 01:05:27,070

But trave is just like so cool.

:

01:05:27,310 --> 01:05:27,730

glo: Mm-hmm.

:

01:05:28,850 --> 01:05:32,815

elaines money: T's going to the

catsuit place, like he knows what's up.

:

01:05:33,775 --> 01:05:35,695

glo: Alright guys, so here's mine.

:

01:05:36,115 --> 01:05:43,555

Wouldn't it be good if we had an episode

where Walker became an actual cowboy?

:

01:05:43,825 --> 01:05:46,615

So we see him actually wrangling cattle.

:

01:05:51,505 --> 01:05:52,855

Uh, this would be Laura next.

:

01:05:52,860 --> 01:05:53,230

Mm-hmm.

:

01:05:54,550 --> 01:05:54,940

mabel: Oh, is it?

:

01:05:54,970 --> 01:05:55,000

Okay.

:

01:05:57,805 --> 01:06:02,455

That would be good if we have

to see Walker, Texas Ranger

:

01:06:02,455 --> 01:06:07,525

do actual cattle skills and

wrangling and roping the cattles.

:

01:06:07,795 --> 01:06:12,895

I think it would be better though, if he

like falls off his horse at some point.

:

01:06:14,610 --> 01:06:14,830

glo: Yes.

:

01:06:16,825 --> 01:06:19,225

elaines money: Okay, that's better.

:

01:06:19,225 --> 01:06:24,445

But wouldn't it be best if he

falls off his horse in the middle

:

01:06:24,445 --> 01:06:27,415

of the night a wolf sees him?

:

01:06:27,865 --> 01:06:29,904

He tries to, he tries to

make friends with the wolf.

:

01:06:29,904 --> 01:06:31,375

'cause they're both lone wolves, right?

:

01:06:32,695 --> 01:06:33,925

The wolf bites him.

:

01:06:35,980 --> 01:06:38,529

We get werewolf.

:

01:06:38,770 --> 01:06:39,880

Texas Ranger.

:

01:06:40,225 --> 01:06:40,915

glo: Yes.

:

01:06:40,915 --> 01:06:41,485

I love it.

:

01:06:41,485 --> 01:06:42,775

I love it so much.

:

01:06:43,495 --> 01:06:43,915

mabel: Yeah.

:

01:06:44,000 --> 01:06:47,365

I think we can option this into

some kind of series actually.

:

01:06:47,440 --> 01:06:47,830

elaines money: can.

:

01:06:47,980 --> 01:06:48,490

Yeah.

:

01:06:48,580 --> 01:06:52,300

Also played by Jared Padalecki,

who plays Walker in the reboot.

:

01:06:52,300 --> 01:07:00,010

glo: So, so guys, we just need to wait for

the patent to come off of, or whatever.

:

01:07:00,070 --> 01:07:01,630

Come off of Walker, Texas.

:

01:07:01,630 --> 01:07:02,980

Ranger in like a hundred years.

:

01:07:03,160 --> 01:07:04,720

We have to live this long guys.

:

01:07:05,200 --> 01:07:08,170

And then we need to make

werewolf Texas Ranger.

:

01:07:09,415 --> 01:07:10,105

mabel: Yeah, yeah.

:

01:07:10,165 --> 01:07:11,635

Or pass this down to our children.

:

01:07:11,640 --> 01:07:16,390

This is our children's legacy where they

reboot Walker, Texas Ranger as a werewolf.

:

01:07:16,720 --> 01:07:18,430

glo: This is your burden now, children.

:

01:07:19,420 --> 01:07:19,690

elaines money: Yes.

:

01:07:19,695 --> 01:07:21,904

Henry, come talk to mother.

:

01:07:25,720 --> 01:07:29,710

so I can't remember which of

y'all did the swirly last time.

:

01:07:29,740 --> 01:07:30,380

mabel: think it was me.

:

01:07:30,550 --> 01:07:30,970

glo: was

:

01:07:31,475 --> 01:07:33,130

elaines money: Okay, so Glow.

:

01:07:33,490 --> 01:07:34,120

glo: ri time.

:

01:07:35,050 --> 01:07:36,100

elaines money: swirly time.

:

01:07:36,190 --> 01:07:38,710

Tell me when you want

me to stop your swirly.

:

01:07:39,520 --> 01:07:41,860

glo: Swirl, swirl, swirl, swirl, swirl.

:

01:07:41,860 --> 01:07:42,400

Stop.

:

01:07:44,680 --> 01:07:48,730

elaines money: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

:

01:07:50,320 --> 01:07:56,205

Okay, So we're gonna do 12, is that right?

:

01:07:56,535 --> 01:07:57,045

Yeah, that's right.

:

01:07:57,045 --> 01:07:58,095

12 episodes.

:

01:07:58,995 --> 01:07:59,925

Skipping 12 episodes.

:

01:08:01,035 --> 01:08:01,545

glo: All right.

:

01:08:01,545 --> 01:08:02,445

Who has it pulled up?

:

01:08:03,765 --> 01:08:04,425

mabel: Oh shit.

:

01:08:04,725 --> 01:08:06,675

elaines money: I think I do actually.

:

01:08:06,705 --> 01:08:07,065

mabel: Okay.

:

01:08:08,309 --> 01:08:09,749

elaines money: I don't know

what this whole music is.

:

01:08:09,749 --> 01:08:10,769

I'm very sorry.

:

01:08:11,609 --> 01:08:12,329

Uh,

:

01:08:12,359 --> 01:08:15,779

mabel: As long as it's not the Walker,

Texas Ranger theme, I do not give a shit.

:

01:08:16,049 --> 01:08:17,459

Give me all your hold music.

:

01:08:18,029 --> 01:08:22,439

elaines money: you know, I remember

tunes for the most part, but I

:

01:08:22,439 --> 01:08:25,679

think I blocked that one out like

immediately after hearing it.

:

01:08:27,269 --> 01:08:32,429

Okay, so 12, 13.

:

01:08:32,969 --> 01:08:45,149

Okay, so 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.

:

01:08:45,238 --> 01:08:54,509

Okay, so if I did this correctly, um, we

will be watching season four, episode two.

:

01:08:55,474 --> 01:08:56,524

Deep kava.

:

01:08:57,874 --> 01:08:58,524

glo: Deep come.

:

01:09:00,538 --> 01:09:00,809

mabel: yeah.

:

01:09:00,809 --> 01:09:02,459

You didn't say that, did you?

:

01:09:03,354 --> 01:09:05,309

elaines money: I said deep cover.

:

01:09:06,299 --> 01:09:08,234

This is not another drive by Cooning.

:

01:09:09,453 --> 01:09:09,743

glo: This.

:

01:09:10,679 --> 01:09:11,639

mabel: I was like, whoa.

:

01:09:11,639 --> 01:09:14,969

We went to Texas Ranger Knights

really quick, didn't we?

:

01:09:15,734 --> 01:09:17,474

elaines money: I think

I am on the wrong page.

:

01:09:17,474 --> 01:09:19,394

I think I'm on Winker, Texas Ranger.

:

01:09:19,754 --> 01:09:20,174

Um,

:

01:09:22,738 --> 01:09:23,339

mabel: God damnit.

:

01:09:23,339 --> 01:09:23,849

That's good.

:

01:09:23,908 --> 01:09:24,719

glo: is good too.

:

01:09:26,189 --> 01:09:27,443

mabel: That's really good, Beth.

:

01:09:29,769 --> 01:09:30,279

elaines money: Thank you.

:

01:09:30,434 --> 01:09:30,654

glo: Wow.

:

01:09:32,474 --> 01:09:35,413

elaines money: Uh, do you guys

wanna hear a synapsis of deep cover?

:

01:09:35,524 --> 01:09:35,964

glo: Absolutely.

:

01:09:35,984 --> 01:09:36,203

We

:

01:09:36,224 --> 01:09:36,794

mabel: sure do.

:

01:09:36,943 --> 01:09:37,234

Yeah.

:

01:09:37,424 --> 01:09:37,714

Yeah.

:

01:09:38,413 --> 01:09:38,624

elaines money: Okay.

:

01:09:38,984 --> 01:09:44,294

An undercover detective in

Miami is captured by drug

:

01:09:44,294 --> 01:09:46,814

dealers when her cover is blown.

:

01:09:46,904 --> 01:09:51,434

Miami Police ask Texas Rangers

to help by going undercover as

:

01:09:51,434 --> 01:09:53,234

out of town dealers looking for

:

01:09:53,374 --> 01:09:53,794

glo: stupid.

:

01:09:55,739 --> 01:09:57,239

mabel: That is a terrible idea.

:

01:09:57,239 --> 01:09:58,469

That is a terrible idea.

:

01:09:58,469 --> 01:10:00,689

But we're getting my Fish

out of water episode.

:

01:10:00,689 --> 01:10:01,139

They're going to

:

01:10:01,274 --> 01:10:01,334

elaines money: We're.

:

01:10:01,674 --> 01:10:03,854

glo: are woo.

:

01:10:03,884 --> 01:10:05,624

elaines money: is super exciting.

:

01:10:06,134 --> 01:10:06,704

Um,

:

01:10:06,719 --> 01:10:09,659

mabel: This could be as

good as New York City like.

:

01:10:10,244 --> 01:10:10,634

elaines money: Yeah.

:

01:10:10,693 --> 01:10:13,244

I'm pretty excited to see Chuck Norris.

:

01:10:13,244 --> 01:10:15,494

Pretend to be a drug dealer.

:

01:10:16,034 --> 01:10:22,604

mabel: I need there to be some like

sassy Cuban lady who takes us down a peg.

:

01:10:22,604 --> 01:10:23,443

I would love that.

:

01:10:24,154 --> 01:10:25,774

elaines money: Um, yes.

:

01:10:25,834 --> 01:10:27,534

I'm very excited for this episode.

:

01:10:27,584 --> 01:10:30,014

Hopefully it's not

complete trash, but it will

:

01:10:30,139 --> 01:10:30,989

mabel: Fingers crossed

:

01:10:31,318 --> 01:10:32,129

glo: all right guys.

:

01:10:33,099 --> 01:10:33,389

elaines money: Okay.

:

01:10:33,739 --> 01:10:34,349

Goodnight.

:

01:10:34,349 --> 01:10:34,889

glo: friends.

:

01:10:35,009 --> 01:10:35,079

mabel: you next.

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About the Podcast

Cool Girls Don't Look at Explosions
Have you ever been curious about what men watched in the 80's and 90's, but didn't want to sit through it? Have we got a show for you! Join Beth, Glo, and Laura as they skip through dude centric TV while laughing, mocking, and maybe finding the secret feminism.